have you ever felt like you didn't belong? that your past was a lie you told yourself to feel better? your present was a farce and your future was a figment of an overworked imagination?

perhaps the only way we can ever move past our darkness is to embrace it, admit it, bring light to it. in doing so, don't we change ourselves? accepting others and ourselves for who we are allows us to become something new, allows us to come into the light.

the most important things...

jesus the nazarene was once asked, "what is the most important thing god has to teach us?" he replied, "that you love god with everything you have - with your mind, with your soul, with your heart, with your strength. but secondly and interwoven with that is you must love your neighbor as you love yourself."

ladies and gentlemen, jesus, the invisible god made visible, answered love. love. love.

life as we know it

have you ever had a word haunt you? if you have seen doctor who, you will understand a little of what i mean. for as the phrase 'bad wolf' haunts the doctor and rose, so the word, and its derivatives, emerge has haunted me for about a year now. it is not just within the context of the 'emergent church,' though that has been one of the main ways i have seen this word, but also in philosophy, in life, in my readings, and in my conversations.

the dictionary defines emerge like this: emerge |iˈmərj|; verb [ intrans. ];
(1) move out of or away from something and come into view
(2) become apparent, important, or prominent
(3) (of facts or circumstances) become known :
(4) recover from or survive a difficult or demanding situation
(5) (of an insect or other invertebrate) break out from an egg, cocoon, or pupal case.

those five definitions have played a role in my life and in my processes of thought for the past year, since around this time a year ago, i was graduating from high school. a lot of life has happened, coupled with this word, as i have emerged into who i am today. let's go into, shall we?

for the first, i have moved out from home, away from the shelter of that place, and into view of a larger world, a bigger picture, a vaster reality. my life is coming into view, and that's kind of scary, but mainly exciting. i have emerged into a world that i didn't know before, and it has only been the last few months that this has really happened, but i am excited to see where it goes, this journey. the world is full of ideas and philosophies and thoughts and stories, and i have been given the great privilege of learning about them, having dialogues and conversations about them, and pursuing some of them.

as to the second definition, some of my character has emerged in front of my eyes. some parts i like, and some parts that need improvement. i am a work in process - and that's fine with me! i will never fully arrive, but will also be emerging into someone, who hopefully resembles more and more the self-sacrificial, loving, accepting, giving, and caring person of jesus the nazarene. but other thoughts have emerged as well, becoming known to me; for example, what exactly is important in christianity, and what is important in following christ. it's not the rules, literally, thank god. nor is it the law, though some might argue and some might continue to live under it. it is grace, love, embrace, forgiveness, redemption (a 'buying back' of harmful traits into creative and restoring ones), living out being a disciple. our theologies are man-made, and god is bigger than they are. god is bigger than calvin, luther, mclaren, heuslein, and all the others. the idea of god and god's ideas for me are emerging together, and in an awkward kind of middle school dance for now, if that makes sense.

what has become known? questions are important. questions are very important. perhaps even more important than answers, because if you don't have questions, how will you ever get answers anyway? someone may even tell you an answer, but if you have not questioned anything concerning it, it is like telling a dog about the mona lisa - it just doesn't care and it cannot really understand. what else has become known? friends are extremely important. vital even - and definitely relate this to the latin word (vita), which means life. because without those close and important relations, there cannot be life. only mere existence.

fourthly! difficult situations have abounded this year. not only the transition, but difficult relationships and demanding classes, but coming through them has formed me into who i am today, or you could say, i have emerge as me from them. and this process, thankfully, is not done, and never will be! life is process of becoming. though we suffer and though we experience heart-ache, loss, pain, regret, fear, and despair, we cannot let these things rule us, but in all things, may hope remind us to see what we are becoming, and what that process is. there is a telos. let's get there together!

and lastly, breaking from the cocoon...this is what it is like. i am beginning to break out into the light, to turn around in the cave and stop staring at the shadows of the answers, but to embrace the questions, instead of the answers. one day, i might have some, but for now, it does not matter, really. this process is just like spring. it will rain and suck sometimes, and the dead stuff of winter is still rotting, but if you look beneath the surface, something is growing, coming, and will one day finally emerge into something new and wonderful. a new creation, with old things passing and new things coming. and like i said earlier, may these things be the characteristics that make life worth living - a life for others, for something beyond myself and this little point in history. may my story merge into the larger one of god and humanity, and may it emerge into something more because of me. i guess that's kind of like a prayer.

so this is a journey. this is a process of discovery. it will have its ups and its downs, but it will always be exciting. this is life. this is jeremy, emerging. another year down. it's totally been worth it too.

A little dichotomy, please.

Okay, so I saw this, and am disgusted. Winning the culture war? First of all, let's diagnose the assumptions and see what we get. The book might be good, so this is going to be more of a critique of James Dobson and his organization. I'm sorry, not James Dobson, but his ideals and ideas about Christianity and the State. Winning the culture war? This assumes that first, politics is the essence of culture, and that in politics, Christians are leading the way.

I think most of us will agree that politics, though apart of culture, is not the quintessential aspect of culture. In fact, culture, how people live and what people want, influence politics, or at least it should, but that is for another post. Anyways, so, Christianity, Dobson's Christianity, I should say, is winning the culture war? I don't think so. Nor do I think he should be trying. Christianity is not about power. It is about service. It is not about influence, but about transformation. Right? Or am I crazy here?

America is not the battleground. Influence in regional, kingdom of the world, politics is not the objective. Bringing the love and restoring power of the kingdom of God is. What does God care about nations? Why should God bless this abstraction for following God institutionally? I don't think we ever will, nor should we try, except as individuals and communities. Jesus was not about force. They tried to him a king by force, so he ran away from them! Why? Because Christianity is about freely choosing service, love, hope and faith. Only then can it have the ability to transform a life.

What are doing? How can we make Christianity more like Christ? Is there any hope for it?

Subversion as an Art

Who is the most central figure of history?

Next question, who is the second most? And why?

I'll show you mine, if you show yours. (Answers, I mean.)

just an update

so i am sitting outside. just waiting for jon to come back and let me into the room. attempting to write, but not being very successful at it, i decided to post.

but there is not really much to talk about. i have been pretty bored here. i have had meetings and stuff and i saw narnia last night (it was fantastically awful). i got a trenchcoat and it is at the dry cleaners.

i think i am just going to do some reading. later days.

Almost a Week

So, school has been out almost a week, and I have already worked 40 hours. Mostly, I have been lugging stuff around or operating a camera as people walk across a stage. It's been a fun time. There is sarcasm there.

Anyways, I am rather bored. I packed up some f my books and I won't have access to them until Friday. This is unfortunate, because I would be reading yet now and not typing up a blog posting. Oh, well. At least I am doing something besides lugging boxes and TVs around.

I have had some really interesting conversations with people the last few days. People I probably never would have talked to or meet had I not been here. So, I am already glad I have stayed. I will also get to have some REALLY good conversations with profs, as I will be meeting with them over the summer. This I am excited about.

Again, the dialogue is stimulating and thought-provoking. And I am beginning to see more and more the capability of life and learning here. I am really excited. It's gonna be good.

L'chai-im!

One of the most amazing things about life is that people can be living in worlds that continue to differ, increasingly, but they can still be friends. At times, it can be a stretch to be more than that, but in the end, friendship always works.

Every choice that we make makes us into something, into someone. And that's life. There's no judgment there. Just realize this truth. We choose who we are going to be. So, who are you going to be?

It's an exciting journey. I'll see you at some point along the path, my friend, of that, I am sure.

A Different Pledge

I pledge alligance to humanity, and to my neighbor, for whom all stand;
One planet, under God, inseparable, with dignity and hope for all.



if you have not seen Lord of War yet, you need to. desperately.

There are never a whole lot of things that conceive me that there is a God, but today would be one of those days. It's what you would call - perfect. The weather right now just evokes a Creator's care. Winter has lost its final grip. Spring now abounds. It's fantastic.

The smells are fresh and alive. The sky is blue, with some lite white clouds. The wind is warm. Warm, for the first time since November. Finals are going okay. Two down. Two to go. Greek is not going to be bad. Logic might cause some problems, but I still have all of tomorrow to study for it. Life seems to be pretty good.

Only if I knew what that meant.

A Dionysian Ethic in Shakespeare?

"...banish plump Jack, and banish all the world."

This line comes from Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part One, in Act II Scene IV. It is the defense of what would seem a rascal of a character, and possibly a good defense at that. I am exploring the idea of it as a final paper topic. So, before I even bring writing a critical paper, I wanted to write about it here and get a real for what I believe concerning this literary character (in more than one sense of the word).

What does it mean to banish Jack Falstaff? What is Jack Falstaff. Okay, I think Falstaff is the representation of the more raw nature of humanity. He lacks most the 'Apollonian' structures of social graces and responsibilities, celebrating a form of life that seeks to live day to day. Now, obviously, I have some knee-jerk reactions to the idea, and rightly so, but to dismiss it completely would be sin. In Aristotle's words, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." I am attempting to be educated.

Okay, so if Jack Falstaff is what Nietzsche would call the Dionysian, or is at least, similar to it (for I do not know all the nuanced characteristics of Nietzsche nor Falstaff, but from my readings, they do seem extraordinarily similar), then why would be it banishing the world to banish plump Jack? Perhaps the idea lies in Binary Opposition (or rather, as Nietzsche would put it - in that the Apollonian structures are false ((there is no order in the universe, just what is)), so consequently, only that can be the world). I don't know what seems more probably my stated reason or my parenthetical.

If it is Binary Opposition, it would imply that banishing Jack would be banishing the entirety of the world, because without the less noble ideals, how could we know the more noble ones? How could we be more human without seeing the scope of humanity? This also implies that Jack knows what he is doing and is content with it.

If it is Nietzsche's view, it is much simpler. If we banish Jack (who represents what he calls the Dionysian ((he also claims that only what is real))), we would denying what truly is life. Nietzsche wants to affirm life and whatever happens in life. And that is the real - the order we write unto it is our own thinking and doing, attempting to create order out of chaos.

Jack seems to want to live as well, but I don't know what we can say that he affirms everything that happens in life. He definitely is not the Übermensch Nietzsche wants man to become. But his instance on life, on living beyond responsibility, as an individual, critiquing the king the way he does, implies (I would say) a type of Dionysian ethic.

And how should we respond to this call? We need to affirm what is life-affirming. Which brings into question, what is life-affirming? In the play, Falstaff is mainly arguing, as I see it, against the war and ideals behind it, wanting people to drink and be happy (for tomorrow, we shall die). I would agree with him that war is not life-affirming, but perhaps not swing as far as he does into total laxity. There is responsibility. Every choice we make everyday, every hour, needs to be life-affirming. Responsibility is embedded into every choice. And we need to embrace Falstaff in order to affirm his life and to suggest a better way. We cannot banish that with which we disagreed, but we should love. Love is the last word.