so, it has been a while since i have written. mainly, because i have been out of contact and in an intensive environmental science class, which has been great. anyways, though, just wanted to let you all know that i am still alive, and i still am here.

two quick things i want to talk about: love and forgiveness. the greek word for 'to forgive' also means 'to permit.' and isn't that what forgiveness is? if you forgive someone, it does not change the past. only your perception of it changes. you now look right at what they did and you permit it. in the words of the beatles, you let it be. interesting how a linking verb can do so much in language and thought.

and love. what is love? i think there must be this aspect of 'letting it be,' because we cannot change who people have been, nor can we force them to change, but we can partner in their story. the hebrew scriptures use the language of 'becoming one flesh,' but even deeper than that is when two separate stories, each emerging from their different sources, begin to blend together, distinct but inseparable. so, it is with friends. we have people in our lives without whom we cannot tell our stories without mention of them. so, what is love? perhaps it is telling our stories with each other. telling our stories with compassion, feeling, depth.

something to say

i don't know what to say, but i feel like i should say something.

though, that has gotten me in trouble in the past. so, perhaps, for this once, i will just shut up and listen. this sounds like a plan.

quote

"the opposite of faith is not doubt, but unbelief." - chris vlachos

white tea & peach

so, i am sitting in caribou coffee, after coming from the bank. i am drinking a white tea & peach cooler. it is pretty good. anyways, the reason why i am writing this post.

i officially got the research position at wheaton. yep. that's right. i will be staying here in july and part of august. i probably will be going home for a week right before school though, because i have a wedding that needs attending. not mine, but a good friend's. anyways, so if you need me, you will know where to find me. here. in wheaton. working. oh, what fun and exciting times this will be. actually, when i am not working (which will be a substantial part of the time), i am going to be bored out of my mind.

arg.

was that a nightingale?
no. the sky is turning gray.
so i go, departing from the bed,
and walk out into the world.

around me there is a new wonder,
baptized afresh in morning light,
behold! a marvel, life.
the sun rises slowly, lifting my eyes
up, up, up! to the light.

and every new hour forced me to choose
between life and death, such is
freedom's shackles, binding me.
for me to live, i consume,
a vampire of the light.

and the clock strikes noon,
the twelve pounding in my ears
i must hurry, the hours
evaporate now - vapors
of my freedom to choose.

what has this day emerged into?
is this story my own?
for when the sun beats down in agony,
the same questions will remain:
who are we? why are we here?

and light slowly fades,
along with all the answers.
so, we sit alone in the dark,
still searching, reaching,
grasping forward, finding our way.

but what do we reach in the end?
are we even there? how do we know?
this is no left, no right, no choice to make.
the sky is dark tonight, and nothing
penetrates this prison called my heart.

the clock strikes twelve again,
and in this twilight of the world,
there is no beauty.
no truth.