aspiring philosophers should never take bribes: a voyage into existentialism?

last night i couldn't sleep, for various reasons. then, i thought that i would blog about this topic today, because i need to. i need for people to look at these ideas and tell me i am crazy or not, AND WHY. so, here we go. thank you.

what if human nature is neither good nor evil - but merely choice? i know i have written about this before, but please, stick with me here. okay, so if human nature is choice, why do we more often than not (or so it seems) choose what turns out to be harmful? i think that the answer lies in habituation. since conception, we have received stimuli that direct in one way or another, creating a rut in us to lend toward one way of thinking - one of choosing - over another. people might label this as 'original sin' but it isn't. we choose every action that we take; we have responsibility for the consequences, therefore, grace abounds all that more.

if human nature is choice, it always explains why 'bad people' can do 'good things'. in that moment in which they choose to act to create more harmony and peace and love in the world, they 'overcome' their habituation and act out against the rut. it also explains why 'good people' can sometimes do the most hurtful thing at random. so what makes the choice?

the gods in antiquity were always less than the fates, because even they had to obey what was dictated 'to be'. then along comes the judeo-christian GOD, who could be seen (if argued properly, though perhaps not correctly) as the combination and de-anthropomorphizing of the fates and the gods. but these views (perhaps also incorrect) of a GOD who demonstrates GOD's power through an all-knowing perception led to the despairing of life and the community and the individual, because most submit (inshallah), and though they continue to have actions, they lack drive, desire, purpose - for their purpose is not their own; it has been established. i am not saying that this is the normal, or what it has to be always like, we humans are fantastic at rationalizing and conjucturing, because we don't like facing truth, because always truth hurts, since we cannot hide any longer.

so what becomes of purpose? or life, if everything is a choice - since that's what we are from the moment we enter screaming. it becomes infused in our very subjective, individual sense to seek out that purpose and that plan - those choices we must make, because time, time is ever-forward rushing. but is there some common, some universal purpose? the answer is simple - no; if there is no universal entity bearing the universal standard. this is where everything goes bonkers. arguments over whether god, gods, GOD, the 'cosmos' or whatever binding forces there is exists or not, and what it is like.

but that is for another time. if we are choice, if we are infused with purpose, what do we want our communities to become? what do we want to become? those two questions, i believe can lead us to very common ground. do we want to become better than what we are currently? many would answer yes. do we want to see more good in the world; people helping people, and neighborhoods and states and countries seeking peace instead of war or fear or mistrust? yes. what should we do? choose that. simple. but most truths are - even if they place the burden of responsibility not on the government, not on the state, not on the community, and not even on the family, but the individual, and the individual comprises all of those things. everyone bears all the responsibility.

if we are choices, potentialities waiting to unfold, amid community, habituated toward certain tendencies, which are not impossible to break, beyond good and evil, having been infused with purpose, what will we become? shall we perpuate the hiroshimas of everyday atrotricities, or shall we bear the mantle of reconciliation, of peace, of hope, of faith, of love?

what are we becoming?

dark knight. 90's music. thoughts.

can we live without a plan?

i have heard that life is improvisation, and i used to agree with that whole-heartedly, but recently, i have been wondering if that is as true as i thought it once was.for as i see it, we live towards something. we all do. it might be towards leaving a legancy on earth for social norms or the pleasure of the moment but we all live with some direction, if not in mind, then in our subconscious.

chaos might be fair - everyone getting the same chances, but is it equitable? but that begs the question of every individual's equality. which, if i even try to question that, i will get people jumping down my throat. what would you rather have - equality in chaos or randomly assigned social and economic status - both are pretty chaotic, but we were all born to parents that we did not choose.

i do not want to place an over emphasis on our positions in life being directed by what randomly-assigned parents we have, but it does play a factor. but so do our choices.

are people inherently good? or are people inherently evil? what if we are inherently chaotic? that would bring equality in a sense. what if we are nothing more than what our choices make us? neither good nor evil, but just people. the sum of our choices, yet greater than that. what if our choices emerge us into something good or evil, but we choose - everyday by what we choose to do, say, think.

i am not saying that people do not make mistakes, but you can be a good person with a few of those. i hope. what do you think?

a post that shouldn't be

so, i was writing this huge post on romantic love - talking about it has action, mystery and common experience. but then i had a conversation with a good friend of mine (thanks, lauren!), and i realized something. the most complex things in the universe, in human experience, are most potent when simply expressed.

is it love when i get her off my mind? that every time i open my phone i desperately want to call her - to get to know her and her crazy ideas. there must be secrets to discover. but i don't know. i don't know anymore. people are complex; we are people. what is there between people? does anyone ever understand it?

there is too much in the past that it crowds out the future. all the mistakes i have made. it would be love to forgive those mistakes. to take me as a broken individual that together, as broken individuals, we could make a beautiful story, together.

and i am thinking about what sarah said - love is watching someone die. so who's going to watch you die?

cosmos:

the world is a big place - full of people, animals and plants. can you comprehend the faces of 6 billion people? that's a big number. how about the stories of those 6 billion? most of them are tragic - people being exploited by others thousands and thousands of miles away; and the exploiters most of the time don't know. we just consume. but this post is not about social justice. it's about scope. for as many people and stories as there are, planet earth is a tiny dot in the whole of the universe.

is 6 billion a large number? imagine there being 200 billion (a conservative estimate) stars in our galaxy alone, and probably over 130 billion galaxies in the universe. tracking with me? there's a lot out there - beauty beyond our imagining. is there life? again, that is probably for another post. a friend of mine asked me recently if i ever wanted to be an astronaut, and this is my answer for her - no, but now i do. though, i don't think i could ever survive the nasa training. it's mainly about the exploring. i love to explore. i love to know. my mom always said that i would always ask 'why?'. that is a trait i am learning to recover and live out again. curiosity is interwined with our existence. we may never found out, but we will always strive to know.

so whether it's traveling among the light years, or the distance between the synpases and the soul, let's ask why. let's be curious. let's discover the cosmos all around us.

cosmos; from greek; meaning world; the entirity of existence.

friendship.

I was browsing through 'Flair' the other day on Facebook, when I came across this:

Now, at first you might not notice what I noticed. Take a good look at the number of adds per heart. As you see, there is a difference of 54 adds.


Let's talk a little about friendship. I was talking to a person that I would consider a friend - we've had some pretty good conversations - about what it means to be a friend. We talked about how it happens that a friend is someone you cannot tell your story without mentioning. It's when people can transcend individuality to begin weaving stories together, formulating new ones together. I think this understanding illuminates some aspects of the entire human story. For example, why sacrifice evokes emotion - it is the ending of one story so that another may go on.

I am not that good of a friend. This I will admit. Not only do I have trouble staying in touch with people, I also have problems opening up to people. It's something I am working on. I know I cannot be everyone's friend, but I can work on being 'what-you-see-is-what-you-get' Jeremy. I think I am going to strive for that, and for never being the one to end a conversation. Stopping when I walking to greet someone, instead of doing the over the shoulder thing.

There are a few dangers in this. One is letting people know me. For the scariest thing is this: letting someone know you (the real you, the one buried beneath all that protection) and having them reject you. Another danger is not going deep with people. In befriending many, there is a risk to be intimate with none. I don't want this to happen. I want to be open and communicable (like a disease), but I also know that not everyone will know everything. There needs to be those few. For example, Nick, Ben and Caleb at Wheaton; Wes and Mitch at home - all five of which I have been slacking in contacting, for which, I am really sorry. Sometimes you realize who your friends are when they are not around, and your jokes are kind of looked strangely at.

I cannot guarantee instant change, but hopefully, a better progression into the person I want to become. And friends are not projects, but relationships of giving and taking. I want to give. I want to take. And that's life. That's the journey. What else do we got?

Want to be my friend? Let's get coffee sometime and talk about our stories, okay?

People with bigger understandings of God are often not called saints, but heretics.