meta-Narrative

Socratic/Platonic Quote!

2011-11-20T17:31:00.001+01:00

"SOCRATES: 'Well, the name 'Hermes' seems to have something to do with speech: he is the interpreter (hermêneus), a messenger, a thief and a deceiver in words, a wheeler-dealer--and all these activities involve the power of speech.'"

Well, I guess that that is where we get 'Hermeneutics.' Pretty awesome stuff, Socrates.

More Definition, More Frustration

2011-11-18T20:31:00.000+01:00

I know it's been awhile, but not as long as some of my other absences! I'll break things down for you (me) regarding classes and thesis (including two reading notes). It's been pretty interesting. I'll also include some personal thoughts about life and stuff. I know, I know. I'm going outside the prescribed bounds. Sorry.

Classes
Well, so far classes can't be considered to be too bad. In fact, some of the most enjoyable aspects of them are the professors, and our impersonations of them. One of my roommates is particularly good at our Philosophical Anthropology professor: Paul Moyaert. But anyways, I will just comment briefly on what I find to be most gratifying about classes: reading philosophers that I really haven't before. Well, yes, I have read Kant and Hegel, but never this much. And Nietzsche I only ever read a few aphorisms. And Freud, well, never touched him before. Averroes and Avicenna as well. And well, Aquinas, again, only a little. John Dewey I've also never read before.

I think that I am most fascinated by Freud right now. Psychoanalysis is interesting, but what is most captivating is his understanding of time. Perhaps I will have a post just about that...it would be good to spend some more time (pun intended) researching it. But we'll see. Anyways, so yes. That's class. Only a few more weeks left and then Christmas. And then, exams.

Thesis
This is the title of this blogpost. I'm moving along and discovering more and more, but that means I'm beginning to realize how much I have to cover, just to be able to get at the problem. I've narrowed down the sections in the de Anima, so that's good. But once again, the problem arises: the amount of reading needed. Here we go. This time I have two articles that I am going to be outlining for you. And well, next time, there may be more, or I might just do it one by one. Bird by bird, buddy. Bird by bird.

Article One: Rosen, S. H. “Thought and Touch: A Note on Aristotle’s ‘De Anima,’” in Phronesis, Vol. 6., No. 2, (1961), p. 127-137.

Throughout the history of philosophy, there has been a fundamental link in explaining the nature of thought between thinking and sense-perceiving. “Every human effort to transcend (whether partially or altogether) the body is conditioned, to one degree or another, by its corporeal beginning.” Different senses have taken primacy, either sight, hearing, or touch, mainly, have struggled as the primary metaphor. Different traditions have generally emphasized the same one throughout the tradition, but it is not necessarily about totality of use but analogous metaphor.
The argument in this paper will be that in Aristotle’s de Anima, there is a fundamentally analogy between thought and touch; it will also seek to rise the problems with this way of thinking about thinking. Aristotle is rejecting Platonic notions, which rest on sight as the metaphor, and emphasizing the ‘grasping’ of a thing. But there is a fundamental problem in philosophy that is also part of the problem here: do we see-touch things, or do we make them? Rosen argues that even to grasp something, one must be able to first see it (theorin). In explaining Aristotle, he writes, “The logos of thinking results from the grasping by nous of the eidos of the entity, just as the perception of a thing grasps its eidos in a material imprint, as the signet is imprinted onto wax.” In this, like must know like, and there is an alteration that takes place in the psyché. I believe this is where Rosen will go wrong in his critique of Aristotle, holding a literalist interpretation and not a functionalist one. But that’s for later…
The psyché grasps things in the their ‘whatness,’ and Aristotle compares this to the hand (432a1). Rosen delineates a few more of the Aristotelean notions of touch — its basicity, its immediacy. But he makes another mistake in claiming that for Aristotle ‘sight’ was another form of ‘touch.’ Aristotle clearly was battling against these notions in Book I of the de Anima. But to continue on, the touching of the mind, like physical touching, is of particulars, from which we somehow abstract universals. To think, one must have sense-perceptions.
How does the psyché think or grasp itself? And this is where Rosen’s literalist interpretation begins to plague him. For the psyché to be malleable enough to hold to the principle ‘like knows like,’ it must have no eidos of its own, in order to grasp and conform to the eidoi it encounters. So in a sense, the psyché can never grasp itself, and consequently it cannot be a unity. In fact, the last few pages of the article are so obscured by the literalist fallacy, it is hard to gain anything truly remarkable from them. Is that a bit harsh? He does have a brief criticism, which I would actually want to turn around into a strength using contemporary Phenomenoloy: “[The psyché’s] unlimited power of self-transformation depends upon the other, just as the power to transform itself depends upon its unity (in some sense of the word).” And in not being able to understand the psyché, we move into the city and social life, so as to understand ourselves.
Article Two: Sisko, John E. “Taste, Touch, and Temperance in ‘Nicomachean Ethics’ 3.10,” in The Classical Quarterly, New Series, Vol. 53, No. 1, May 2003, p. 135-140.

This paper aims at establishing a consistent link between Aristotle’s account of temperance in the Nicomachean Ethics with his treatment of the senses in the biological works. Presuming the following, (1) moral virtues are non-relative over their specificities, being grounded in some “universal and necessary feature of human life,” and (2) Aristotle believes some familiarity with psychology is necessary to dialectically study ethics, we will investigate what Aristotle has to say about temperance.

In Nicomachean Ethics 3.10, the discussion of temperance is narrowed is scope to “the pleasures that all animals share in,” that are most basic — tactile pleasures. The standard view separates touch from the other senses taxonomically, and so this separation is what enables the uniqueness and basicity of touch.

But there are difficulties with this view: the problem of taste being a sense of touch. How then could it be separated out from touch? In the psychological accounts, Aristotle links taste and touch apart from the distal senses, so that the ethical and psychological theories are consistent? Analogously looking at Aristotle’s discussion of the commonality of blood, it is revealed that understanding “most common” should regard functionality, not taxonomy.

Regarding the functionality, it seems that touch and not taste plays the more functional role to pleasures, and so temperance is held to be compatible with the psychological works as governing over the correct discern when it comes to tactile pleasures, the most common of all.

Life
So, life. Life here is interesting. It seems to be passing quickly by, but I am excited still. I have my rhythm, but I think that I will need to start exploring more and more -- socially and geographically. I've made some good friends with two guys in particular, outside of my roommates. But one of them is a medical student and is going to be doing his internship soon in Brussels. And that will be both sad and good. Where does one go to meet people? I've met a few people in classes, but we haven't really gotten into conversations. Everyone is really different, and there are social groups it seems, but it is hard to tell with the internationality and everyone coming from different social milieu. One of these days I'll figure it out. I hope.

Anyways, that is life. Or parts of it. Hope this hasn't been too far off the normal. I will now close with a brand new section, and something that I really hope takes off...

New Tradition
Alright, and I want to end this blogpost by establishing a new tradition for this blog. Since I am trying to read through Plato and Aristotle this year, I will be putting up a quote each day for one of them (maybe sometimes both), with a little commentary. So let's get this thing started:

"Hermogenes: 'Why do you say that, Socrates?' Socrates: 'Because I've got a whole swarm of wisdom in my mind!'"

This quote is from the Cratylus, in which Socrates is investigating the appropriateness of names. Not finished with it yet, but it is a lesson in Greek etymology. And also, what Socrates says here is hilarious. Just saying.

Close(r)

2011-10-19T14:58:00.000+02:00

Things are progressing here. And I am not just talking about the thesis, but I am talking about that too! I mean in each area of concern to me, things are moving forward! We got couches, my fellowship stipend should be coming in soon, my books are on their way, wedding details are coming together, reading is going well, and I think I may have found my argument for the thesis.

Aristotle and I might have to fight...

In general, flesh and the tongue are related to the organs of touch and taste, as air and water are to those of sight, hearing, and smell. Hence in neither the one case nor the other can there be any perception of an object if it is placed immediately upon the organ, e.g. if a white object is placed on the surface of the eye. This again shows that what has the power of perceiving the tangible is seated inside. Only so would there be a complete analogy with all the other senses. In their case if your lace the object on the organ it is not perceived, here if you place it on the flesh it is perceived; therefore the flesh is the medium of touch. (423b 18-26)

So, in the passage above Aristotle concedes his first claim that flesh is the sense-organ of touch (423a 15-17: if we take 'body' to represent the whole organism, making the faculty of touch commensurate with the body, melding sense-organ and medium). Instead of taking the flesh to be the organ, he claims that it is seated inside; in fact, in other writings, he claims it is next to the heart. But this argument seems a little ad hoc to me -- touch must be analogous to the other senses, therefore the sense-organ and medium must be distinct entities. Perhaps, I am being a little unfair to Aristotle here, but I want to argue in my thesis for what seems to be his original claim: touch is a unique sense in which the sense-organ and the medium are one and the same. With that being said, I will have to develop why this structure works in other senses and why it doesn't have to apply to the sense of touch. In other words, why is touch unique?

Why this project? Well, I have been fascinated by a phenomenology of exposure for a while now, and it would be an interesting project to be able to develop a view of touch that does explicitly regard expose as its primary essence -- flesh, the organ, is out there. It is exposed. Even in having a medium, the sense of exposure is present for Aristotle, and he makes all animal life dependent on the sense of touch. But I think that in mediating the sense-organ and the object, a double distance is created that acts that a wedge in later philosophies. Meaning the immediacy that is interrupted by posing an internal organ could be further interrupted by posing that the body doesn't sense at all -- it is even further inward: the mind only perceives! Perhaps a slippery slope argument, but one that has played out. It may be my own reaction to the digital age of disembodiment, but I strongly react against dualistic notions or potential dualistic notions. This is something that may have to be reigned in to a degree, but for now it is motivating.

Anyways, I will keep whoever is reading this informed or just continue to work out these crazy and ridiculous thoughts of mine in a digital space (I do appreciate the irony). Peace!

The First Aristotle Articles

2011-10-17T21:05:00.000+02:00

Bust of Aristotle. Isn't he great? That beard...

Bibliography

Well, this will be my first post regarding my project explicitly. I read and will be responding to two different articles. The first will be Myles Burnyeat's "De anima II 5." This article was first published in Phronesis, 47, 2002, p. 28-90. The second article is Rebecca Steiner Goldner's "Touch and Flesh in Aristotle's de Anima," published in Epoche: A Journal for the History of Philosophy, Spring, 2011, Vol.15(2), p.435-446. Lastly, Thomas K. Johansen's essay, "What's New in the De Sensu? The Place of the De Sensu in Aristotle's Psychology," found in Common to Body and Soul," edited by RAH King, published by Walter de Gruyter, Berlin, 2006, p. 140-164. Under each article heading, in text references will be given by page number, unless another author is indicated. Again, with those pleasantries out of the way, I begin.

Burnyeat

The longest article I read for this update. And it was a fascinating read. The main thrust of the article was two-fold: [1] the discussion of how to read an Aristotelian chapter, and [2] to figure out what the chapter is teaching on Aristotle's theory of perception (28). So, I will work through both of those aims, and then I will give any additional thoughts I might have on how this might contribute to my thesis.

[1] Regarding the first aim, the article was illuminating for someone not terribly versed in Aristotelian logic and argumentation. Burnyeat moves through Aristotle's outlining process, illuminating where, how, and why Aristotle develops his argument. The Aristotelian chapter begins by setting out the endoxa (reputable opinions) either to be defended, critiqued, or reworked (32). In giving the endoxa, Aristotle provides a sort of historical overview or introduction to the issue at hand, so it is usually also through the endoxa that the problem is implicitly seen. Burnyeat details and parses Aristotle rather exactingly but in an illuminating fashion, clearly showing what is at stake in de Anima II 5 -- what is perception and its relationship to alteration.

Moving from the endoxa, Aristotle next sets out to develop the aporia, the question or problem itself (37). To quote from Aristotle:

Further, it is for them to maintain, on the one hand, that like is unaffected by like and, on the other, that like perceives like and knows like by virtue of being like it, while at the same time they suppose that perceiving is some sort o ring affected and changed, and so too is conceiving and knowing (410a 23-6).

The aporia is there -- how can something both by affected and unaffected by like? Burnyeat then explores the aporia, raising it and delineating the consequences. But all along showing how Aristotle will have to treat this problem he has raised. And what a problem it is: will he have to concede that like does not change like, as some presocratics had done and advocate that change is illusion? Or will Aristotle claim that like does change like, and then somehow answer by what cause and how is that possible?

From the aporia, Aristotle moves into a 'preliminary lusis' (40). But this preliminary solution runs through a torturous route in the remaining of the chapter, making distinctions and creating several schema, but in the end, Aristotle has a potential reconciliation of the aporia. But this moves us into the second part of Burnyeat's article: what Aristotle is arguing.

[2] How is Aristotle to deal with the aporia? What is his lusis? In order to understand Aristotle's escaping of the aporia, his concepts of potentiality and actuality will be applied, although with the argument that "alteration really alters" (42). Granted these two things, a schema of a triple level is developed -- doubled both for potentiality and for actuality. But first, a quote:

It is not just that some external cause is needed for perception. Perceiving is being assimilated to it, e.g. being warmed or reddened, and the whole weight of Aristotelian physics stands behind the demand that the cause of this alteration be soothing actually warm or red (45).

Seen here, Aristotle's psychology springs forth from his physics, as Burnyeat argues. This is interesting to note, since it shows the hylomorphic link in Aristotle that permeates his whole system. It will also be interesting to explore this connection more, because Aristotelian physics has been proven wrong by modern science, although Aristotelian psychology might not be. There are defenses to be made, but here is not that place.

I continue to map the distinctions that Burnyeat syllogizes. First there are two types of potentialities that will expand into three distinctions, but there is an analogous consequence on actuality, which Aristotle is reluctant on sharing (47). But Burnyeat outlines them as (A1) incomplete actuality and (A2) a complete or unqualified actuality (47). And since these are mapped unto the two types of potentiality discussed in 417a 22-8 and 417b 30-32, Burnyeat says that Aristotle makes the extraordinary request that we suppose there is no such thing as a complete or unqualified actuality.

To present the triple schema and then explain it, it will be to demonstrate it and then discuss (50-51):

first potentiality (1P)
second potentiality (2P) / first actuality (1A)
second actuality (2A)

It is good to remind ourselves that all this is trying to explain the process of perception. And in the process of perception, we are dealing with two different process -- from (1) to (2) and from (2) to (3).

(1P) is the base. The potentiality in the potential-filled one by nature, e.g. a human being is a potential 'knower' by nature. Following this example (and Burnyeat, 53-57), (P2) and (1A) is process of learning through repeated exercise and intake, but one cannot be said to 'know' something until the transition to (2A) is made. The first transition is argued to be an alteration, but the second is in doubt, so one can conceive of the second being a perfecting or a preservation (55). Aristotle uses the phrase "an advance into itself and into actuality," (417b 6-7) in order to describe the kind of change it is. Being born as perceivers, we are already are at the second potentiality. And so, we must explore the difference between "using one's senses and using one's knowledge" (57).

The difference lies in the basic understanding of perception as a passive ability and that of using one's knowledge as an act of will. But there are caveats and differences to be explored. Alteration in knowledge is not the same as it is in perception (60). And there is a further refinement, because Aristotle seems caught in calling teaching and the learning an alteration, a change. But as Burnyeat argues, it should be seen more of a development of the nature of the human being to learn, since the potentiality is basic.

Because this post is getting to be way too long, some final thoughts on Burnyeat. His argumentation is well-developed, synthetic, and beyond me at the moment. I left out the strict commentary I had doing for the last thirty pages of his article. In trying to articulate the nuances, I realize that I need to reread and reread it. And take another look at the de Anima. But I will get around to that. One of the last thoughts, though, that I really want to dwell on is still the notion the sense-object changes the perceiver. This was already present, but Burnyeat really goes into it in the final sections. Anyways, for me it is interesting in looking at touch, because when are we not touching? If perception changes the perceiver, are we being constantly changed, formed, by the world around us, via our touching? Also, in touching, since we are exposed to the world and the world changes us, does this not place the primacy on the external and not internal processes? Does this combat solipsistic tendencies in modern philosophy? These are some of the questions.

Goldner
After that LONG overview of Burnyeat's article, Goldner's and Johansen's pieces will seem to fly by. So without further delay, Touch and Flesh.

I will argue that by privileging tact over the other senses in his account of the soul, Aristotle suggests a mode of cognition that is neither modeled nor dependent on vision, but is instead attributable to the animate, sensate body in and of itself (435).

In the long history of philosophy, sight has always had the privilege of the metaphor most often used to describe knowledge and cognition. Not until Emmanuel Levinas in the 20th century do we encounter another metaphor as strongly advocated, but Levinas's chosen metaphor was an auditory one. What Goldner is suggesting, and what she will argue is that there is a forgotten cognitive account in Aristotle, and what I will argue is that this account opens up or discloses another metaphor for us: that of the tactile.

Goldner summarizes Aristotle's account, starting with his claim that the refrained sense of touch in human being may be the reason why the human is the most intelligent of all the animals (421a20, Goldner 436). Next she outlines the problematized components of touch: [1] multiple objects of touch (436), [2] the medium of the sense (437), and [3] the sense-organ proper (437). Each of these three components is present in the other senses with much ambiguity, but regarding the sense of touch each seems aporetic on its own.

[1] There is no object par excellence of touch. Aristotle lists the contraries of touch -- hot/cold, dry/moist, hard/soft (422b26) -- but he never concludes on an object, admitting "it is not clear what the one thing is that underlies touch in the way that sound underlies hearing" (422b35). Then there is [2] the medium of the sense, which for touch Aristotle argues it is flesh. Unlike the other sense, flesh being the medium for the sense makes the sense temporally and physical immediate (437). What Goldner does not raise is Aristotle's hypothesis that there is always air or water always between two objects, but the argument even in Aristotle's voice is half-hearted, given the experience of the immediacy. Finally, there is [3] sense-organ. The flesh again! Unfortunately, this breaks up the analogous relationships between the other senses each having their "organ-medium-object" schema (437).

The aporia could be addressed if the medium of air or water were adopted, but then a distinction would needed to be made between touch and contact (438). Goldner does argues that in the Physics, Aristotle addresses more contact than the sense of touch, but that touch too may never be immediate. In fact, she argues that touch may be the most mediated of the senses (439) having a double medium -- air/water and the flesh. But this leaves the main argument of the article -- "that touch is a masked grounding for a kind of knowledge implicit to the ensouled body" (439). Moreover, flesh in a living body is the extremity and "the inauguration of a whole new form of being" (439).The aporia is the immediacy and the distance in touch, a doubling, which "is not merely anoretic because it is difficult for us to understand, but also on account of a willful obscuring of its own nature" (440).

Goldner then works into the conversation several other thinkers: Jacques Derrida, Jean-Louis Chrétien, and M. Merleau-Ponty. The argument is essential that I am a body in the world, touching the world and exposed, and because of this I am alive and have knowledge through the very fact that I am a body. Merleau-Ponty's argument regarding the 'habit-body' and what I call muscle memory are brought to the fore, and the article concludes that touch "provides for us a primitive and tacit comprehension of the world" (442). Has touch opened for us a new metaphor? How can we step into it?

A brief foray into my own thought. If we do accept Goldner's argument that the sense of touch evidences a new form of cognition, then this is an opening to pursue a new metaphor of understanding that based and grounded in the tactile overcomes the problems presented in the visual and auditory metaphors, viz. the solipsistic and the self-denying. I've only ever explored this briefly, but to me it represents a realm worth exploring, a way through the aporia that traditional and radicalized phenomenology present to us. A new way of conceiving human experience. Anyways, just my thoughts.

Johansen
Lastly, there is Johansen's article. In it, he is delineating the difference between the project of the De Sensu et sensibilia and the De Anima. Unfortunately, like Burnyeat, Johansen never touches on touch explicitly, but the closest he comes he talking about perception and more strikingly thinking taking place in the body as an activity of the soul -- only being able to take place because of the body (147-8). His article is not crucial to my project, but it was helpful in several ways.

Firstly, the delineation of the different projects in Aristotle was very useful for my understanding. He argues that in the de Anima Aristotle is discussing explicitly the sense-organs and their constitution as an attempt to understand the structure of the soul, while in the de Sensu, Aristotle is done addressing those topics (in fact, he presupposes that the reader is familiar with the de Anima) but is instead speaking on sense-objects and the living encounters with them. There are several other arguments in the work, exploring more differences between the two books, but in essence, the article has been summarized. And this is already a long blog post!

Going From Here

Briefly, and then I am done. From here, there are more articles to read. I will be going through Johansen's book, Aristotle on the Sense-Organs, which is a detailed account of each sense-organ in the de Anima. I will probably just do on overview on his chapter on taste and touch, so that is something to look forward to. Anyways, as I learn more, this will become more of my own thoughts, instead of all the summarizations. Anyways, if you are still reading, GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. And if you have just skipped to the end, it's all good. I did too...

Later days!

Average Days

2011-10-15T09:44:00.000+02:00

I will be honest: graduate school is a job. Yesterday I studied/read for eight hours. Maybe more. I should really keep track of these things. And Thursday was a very similar experience. And today probably will be too. Eight hours, but I feel it should be more. I am neck deep into some of my classes -- and the thesis. But as they say, no pain, no gain. As my Latin teacher once said, frustration is the stupid leaving the brain. Well, there's to hoping he was right, which he probably was, let's be honest -- the guy knew Latin.

So, about yesterday. I read. And then I kept reading. And all the while I wrote marginalia. And then I studied German and a little bit of Dutch. Ich das blog lesen. Seriously. And you should too! Anyways...

I do want to reflect on my project here for a second, because I've read two hefty articles recently that are beginning to illuminate more aspects of what this year will look like. One of the articles claimed and defended the notion that the de Anima is the psychological outworking of Aristotle's physics. He links the two explicitly through the fields of perception (anachronistic applied to Aristotle; Aristotle would just say perception or sense-organs). So, what that means is for is that I have to become familiar with Aristotle's Physics, his Metaphysics, and some of his smaller works like On Generation and Corruption, and On the Movement of Animals. All of this to look at a chapter or two in the de Anima, since it is a movement from his older philosophy into a new unexplored realm. So, Aristotle, my friend, try your best, but I will be reading your corpus this year. In fact, it is sitting on my desk right now...

Off to read, or something. Peace.

Marathon Classes

2011-10-11T19:16:00.000+02:00

Okay. Okay. This post isn't about Aristotle either, but it is about classes. They are extraordinary long here. Two two hour classes, back to back. And lectures. Straight up. I am recording them, because, well, sometimes the points are so intricate that my written notes don't elucidate much, so I have to return to what the professor said, and then (maybe) there's hope of understanding. But they are good lectures -- engaging, provocative, stimulating. Just long. Long, and I grow tired. I'm tired already. I need snacks. Good snacks. Energizing snacks.

It is an interesting phenomenon that because of the length of the lectures, each professor's personality comes through even in one session. Their quirks/oddities, mannerisms, and other such notions are on their sleeves, as it were. Three examples of three professors that I have. One of them, at the end of his sentences, will say, "Ça va?" That's French -- he's French. And it means, something along the lines (in this context), are you tracking? I think it means, most often, how is it going? But whatever. Another professor, uses 'yes, yes' as a verbal filler. Sometimes just a single 'yes,' but more often than not, it is double. Lastly, and most professorially, I have a professor that will sometimes stop -- maybe he's caught someone's eye contact, or feels a breeze, or whatever -- and pause. Wait for it. "Where was I?" Or similar expressions to that effect. Anyways, it's quite fun.

But I am seriously considering bringing snacks.

Opening a Question

2011-10-10T14:57:00.000+02:00

I believe it was Gadamer (or maybe it was Socrates, performatively) who said that the question is more fundamental to knowledge than the answer. The question is what opens up the horizon, enables an answer or answers, as the case may be.

So, I am trying to open up my question, establish one. And I am finding that in order to open up a question, I already have to know a lot. Well, sort of. The specificity of the thesis requires that the question be a specific question or project. This enables developed argumentation and a sustained reading of all sources; a dialogue, if you will.

As such, I have begun reading all sorts of things. Not only Aristotle, but articles on Aristotle, books on Aristotle, very specific articles that use terminology that I have no idea what it means in the course of the literature and tradition. It is similar to what I believe is the process of uncovering a new world. So, what are my questions?

How is touch described, both by Aristotle, Plato, and the Presocratics? What is touch's relation to the soul? How does touch function as a sense? What is the sense-organ of touch? Does touch have a medium analogous to the other senses? How has touch been treated in philosophers since Aristotle? What is the difference between touching something and grasping something? Does touch condition the other senses? Is touch in some sense more original or primary?

These are some of the questions I am exploring and the ones that I am learning what it means to ask.

Re-Opening a Blog

2011-10-09T12:27:00.000+02:00

Well, I am back to blogging. And this time I will be updating more often, because I will be using this blog to express my thoughts and my confusion about things going in my philosophical education. So I apologize from the outset: this will be a little rawer than most blog entries one may read on the internet, but hopefully as the year goes on, the obscurities will lessen and there will be understanding -- both you and me, and between me and the text that I am reading.

HOUSEKEEPING:
I will be including bibliographic information, just in case there is anyone out there curious to read what I am reading and with whom a dialogue would develop. Citations will be in Chicago style, or if not, at least consistent. I will mainly be interacting with Aristotle, so I will be using the Bekker numbers liberally. Okay. That's housekeeping.

WHY?
A good question. I am currently a graduate student, and this year I will be working on my thesis, which is still in an infantile stage. And I need a place where I can process my thoughts, and since I am a verbal processor, I feel the need that I have to be talking to someone. Even if no one ever reads this blog, it will feel like I am talking to someone. Cool? And if someone is reading this, thank you so much! Seriously. Lots of validation going on. Also, if you think you have a thought or idea, please share. I'm going to need all the help I can get. I should learn how to cite from a blog post...

THE PROJECT:
The project that I am undertaking for my thesis is an investigation of the sense of touch in Aristotle, particularly in the de Anima. I will be focusing on how the sense of touch is paramount to the human soul, arguing how this is one of Aristotle's responses to Platonic dualism. Hopefully, I will be able to return to what started me on this project in the first place: contemporary phenomenology. In the last sixty years or so, there has been a growing, renewed interest in describing the phenomenon/phenomena of touch, and so Aristotle thoughts on it have been revisited. If I have the room, I will be defending Aristotle's notions of touch with Merleau-Ponty, and perhaps Jean-Louis Chrétien, Jacques Derrida, and Jean-Luc Nancy. But in the end, that may have to be a different project.

Well, if you are still reading this, thank you again. It will be an adventure, that's not in doubt. Will it be exciting? For some, I hope it will be. So, as Edmund Husserl admonished: to the things themselves!

On My Infinite Regress

2010-12-04T21:04:00.003+01:00

Finals approaching at school brings out the irresponsible child in me. All I want to do is play Prefect Dark, Roller Coaster Tycoon, and Command & Conquer. I guess finals also brings out the nostalgia.

Coming From 30000

2010-11-29T02:47:00.002+01:00

Oh, wow. Planes have Wi-Fi. I am flying over Jacksonville, FL...moving from 30000 to 33000. This is crazy, although it would be crazier to blog from space. Perhaps, one day. Perhaps. Anyways, I just wanted to write this, because this is the highest I've ever written. Isn't it great? Well, I guess that is all I really wanted to say. Peace!

The End is in the Beginning

2010-11-23T07:23:00.003+01:00

((This is a short-short I am writing in series of short-shorts. I hope you enjoy!))

This is the end. He said goodbye. And don’t be afraid, we’ll both be okay. Trust me.
I still don’t understand.
Do you understand that I have to do this? This place is killing me.
Why do you want to leave; aren’t you happy here?
I have to go, and you can’t come. You’re too much of this place.
Their eyes had met, and they both spoke silently all the words both needed to say. He sighed, and that was all she wanted. She had walked up to him, breathed deeply and waited.
She knew when she saw him. The way he was standing revealed too much: the shrug in his shoulder, the defeated look, and the green, ratty hat. All the way to the park her hands had trembled on the steering wheel. She had promised to met him that afternoon, and for five hours time felt like it was moving backwards. But he had called, and he never called on Tuesday mornings. She knew then. When James and Karen first met, she never thought it would end like this.

Feeling Manic

2010-11-12T07:30:00.002+01:00

I guess that's not a good thing, but right now, although I am tired, I am feeling a little manic. Anything could happen. Anything. Seriously, I am beginning to see the almost endless possibilities of life. My life. This crazy thing that keeps flying by, dragging me along with it. I don't even know who I am writing to right now, and that's a little weird. But that's okay. You see? I am a little scattered. Anyone write to write me letters? Be my pen-pal? It's okay if no one does. I'll keep writing to myself, but I like dialogue. Seriously. And I didn't have caffeine today. Sugar, yes, but even that was not recently.

How many words can I write? What will happen when they have left my fingers into cyberspace, where you can read them divorced from the person I am. In reading them, I hope you are charitable and can become the type of person you want to become. That doesn't mean you should critique this or that, but having a critical disposition may be superfluous. Who are you, anyway? I am curious. Perhaps that has to deal with the manic.

Do these words tell a story? Do they hint at something? Joy? Pain? Beauty? Sorrow? All of it mixed together in a stew that makes the taster sick? Sorry -- this is my life; I'll try to work out all the chunks.

I am driving home for Christmas. And there will be stops along the way. Anyone traveling from Atlantis? Or Atlanta to Central Florida around the 22nd? 21st? Oh well. I expect there are some creepers out there, but seriously, if you're reading this, really consider who you are.

My laundry is probably dry. I got to go.

My Affective Cities

2010-10-31T18:33:00.003+01:00

Recently, I went into Chicago for an improvisational workshop with Joe Bill, who teaches at iO. Anyways, he teaches a method of helping your scene partner, by gifting ourself and taking care of yourself, so that you can care for your partner. Anyways, the point is that this calls for introspection, for we are players playing, either in life or in improv. During our warm-up before our montage of scenes, he had us do an amazing reflective exercise that is still affecting me, and hence this post. In reflecting about the concrete experiences in cities that I have been affected by but have not called home, I found interesting connections (as any improviser does). And so, this post is my first attempt (on this blog) into delving into my experience in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

I am standing a bridge. It spans across a river whose name I do not know. It could be the Mekong. That is the only river I know around here; it's the main one that flows into the South China Sea after passing through Vietnam and becoming a delta. It comes from up in China or Tibet or something like that. It doesn't matter. It also spans a part of the city, the city full of chickens, motorbikes, monks, people, prostitutes, trash, laughter. Everything in every city. Most people here never live though. Especially those from the other side of the bridge. Over the bridge, left or right, down the river bank, into the trash and disease-filled water, where the refuges live. Refuges. Outcasts. Second-class citizens. Whatever they're labeled this decade. They won't escape, and most will die either from an STD or some other infectious and communicable disease. Most easily preventable. They'll never see the inside of an airplane, but they see them in the sky, going places they'll never go, met by loving people they'll never love or be loved by.

I am standing on a bridge. Between two worlds, or is it three? There are cigarette butts at my feet. Not mine, but I could use a smoke: it would be my first. What can I do? I won't wait for the world to change, but I must wait for something. Wait, but not passively. The children are calling; the children from the banks. They are looking for recyclables. If they find enough, maybe their mother won't sell herself or them. There is life in this city. There is. There must be.

I am standing on a bridge.

Senior Year

2010-10-16T21:37:00.002+02:00

I have been increasing made nostalgic due to the fact that it is my senior year in college. This makes me want to write. Therefore, I will be writing more on this blog. But for now, I just wanted to express that. Besides, I've got to finish a paper.

All I Really Want to Do - Bob Dylan

2009-10-21T20:14:00.001+02:00

I ain't lookin' to compete with you,
Beat or cheat or mistreat you,
Simplify you, classify you,
Deny, defy or crucify you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

No, and I ain't lookin' to fight with you,
Frighten you or uptighten you,
Drag you down or drain you down,
Chain you down or bring you down.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I ain't lookin' to block you up
Shock or knock or lock you up,
Analyze you, categorize you,
Finalize you or advertise you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I don't want to straight-face you,
Race or chase you, track or trace you,
Or disgrace you or displace you,
Or define you or confine you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I don't want to meet your kin,
Make you spin or do you in,
Or select you or dissect you,
Or inspect you or reject you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I don't want to fake you out,
Take or shake or forsake you out,
I ain't lookin' for you to feel like me,
See like me or be like me.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

Cigarettes in Chicago

2009-10-12T23:13:00.002+02:00

Cigarettes in Chicago by Jeremy Heuslein the Blood, pooling

in my mouth, tastes

like the last cigarette

we shared in Chicago

that winter.

hot lungs and cold faces.

It spills out like that smoke,

our breath,

wrapping around flushed cheeks.

then, I see gray eyes change into blue-

clear-winter-sky

and now, brown turn into gray.

i could say i'm Sorry.

I could.

I'm Sorry.

I never should have left

dearborne and kinzie, and

all the old haunts, where

our cigarette smoke still

lingers and sticks to brick,

where you pressed your back,

and held me and spoke and

loved me, many sidewalks ago.

i got lost in another city, somewhere

between fairbanks and ivanhoe,

out of cigarettes and plans.

and dying, dying is taking the Orange line,

out past roosevelt to cicero,

flying from Midway.

Beyond Summer's End

2009-07-24T22:27:00.001+02:00

here i stand. at summer's end. i cannot believe it is finally here. one more day, and my ra responsibilities start - my freshmen arrive. it's exciting. i am moving from a summer without 'place' to a definite role in a community. it's interesting to me how much i really need that. that sense of identity reliant on an i-you relationship. it's intensely personal and singular. martin buber, this jewish philosopher, talks about how an actual relation with a you can only happen with an i, not a we. i find that interesting.

summer's end. the swings stop. the notes start.

summer's end. we've made it back, but not all of us.

summer's end. another beginning. hope born again.

end.

reading levinas

2009-02-14T21:03:00.001+01:00

everything needs to be rethought.

where has all the transcendence gone?

everything needs to be rethought.

i should be in bed

2009-02-02T07:18:00.001+01:00

i should be in bed, but i have been working on yearbook and philosophy. i will be going to bed soon, and it will be enjoyable. i don't know when i will ever have time to write in this blog ever, but who knows. i might try. i like my journal better.

less media. more real.

2008-09-29T04:27:00.003+02:00

in attempt to live more fully in the immediate present, i am deleting my facebook. if you need to get in contact with me, i will be keeping both my email and my blog, so you can check out what's going on there, or call, or come and find me. anyways, friends, keep it real.

quotes that i liked - stolen from my about-to-be-gone facebook

2008-09-29T04:15:00.002+02:00

“All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope." - Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

"We live, as we dream - alone." - Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

"We'll always have Paris." - Rick Blaine, Casablanca

"God is dead! God remains dead! And we have killed him." - Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science

"They smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made..." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

"Oh blush not so..." - John Keats, Sharing Eve's Apple

"Death is philosophy's only problem." - Albert Camus

"The leaden circles dissolve in the air." - Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

"It is impossible to live without contradiction when you live without God." - G.K. Chesterton

"The heart has its reason that reason knows nothing of." - Blaise Pascal

"Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play." - Immanuel Kant

"Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit." - Aristotle

"We're having a moment. Don't ruin it." - Raven, The Beast Within

"Goodnight, forever, goodnight, my darling." - Mars is the Tyrant

"Voldemort can't stop the rock." - Harry and the Potters

"College is full of awkward moments...it comes with the sleep deprivation and over priced textbooks." - Amanda Bartlett

"And now Harry, let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure." - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

"[to Albus Severus] You were named after two great Hogwarts headmasters, one was a Slytherin, and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew." - Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

"Some things tie your life together,
slender threads and things to treasure.
Days like that should last and last and last;
but you've already lost." - Dashboard Confessional, Dusk and Summer

"I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain. It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock, I am an island...
I have my books and my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock, I am an island." - Simon & Garfunkel, I am a Rock

"Tracy: When you can't run, you crawl ... and when you can't crawl, when you can't do that...
Zoe: 'You find someone to carry you.'" - Firefly, The Message

"Everything's dead but the tree." - Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

"Never judge a philosophy by its abuse." - Saint Augustine

"Stay close. It's about to get interesting." - The Doctor, Star Trek: Voyager

"Now the hour has come to part. I go to die, you go to live. Which of us goes to the better lot the god only knows." - Socrates, Plato's Apology

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle

"Apathy! The subjunctive is dying, and you shrug!" - Carol Miner

"To truly know something is to live it." - Ken Lippold

"And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay.

True, it may seem like a stretch,
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head,
When you're away, when I am missing you to death." - The Postal Service, Such Great Heights

"Be a philosopher; but amidst all your philosophy, but still a man." - David Hume

"The most subversive people are those who ask questions. Giving answers is not nearly as threatening. Any one question can be more explosive than a thousand answers." - Jostein Gaarder, Sophie's World

"Philosophy: an obsession with the verb to be." - Team Quote, Jeremy Heuslein and Bethany DeMasie

"As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters." - Seneca

jeremy's plans.

2008-09-22T07:00:00.003+02:00

remembering first of all that plans are tiny prayers to father time (what sarah said, deathcab for cutie), i would like to inform you all about what my prayers are.

if you do not know, i am a philosophy and ancient language double major, who dabbles in english. this being the case i am pursuing to study for a year as an oxford undergraduate. while in oxford, i would study philosophy primarily, taking classics as a secondary tutorial, and perhaps a seminar in english or one on philosophy supplementing the primary tutorial.

my reasons for this:

(1) the cost is near equivalent to wheaton (even less, depending on airfare and a few other contingents), but the education is superior. (2) it moves me beyond american culture and into the heart of some philosophical dialogues currently going on. (3) it moves me beyond america. (4) i would have the opportunity to write a short thesis at oxford, directed by an oxford tutor, which would be valuable on its own, but would be even more so, since may be transferrable to wheaton as an honor thesis. (5) it's oxford for goodness's sake. (6) i want to go there for graduate school, and if i develop relationships with the faculty, i might be able to get a few good recommendations within oxford for the application.

so, this is the plan, the prayer. it's lofty, it will be difficult, but i want to push myself. i want to find where i break (i know this sounds self-destructive, and perhaps it is), but life is all about knowing limits.

because of the preceeding, i was wondering if anyone knows german or french, or knows of a good way to learn them, since i will need to be studying primary sources in the original languages. thank you!

on hopper's nighthawks.

2008-09-17T06:25:00.004+02:00

at first, it seems dangerous,
the city at night.
why would lonely men and couples
walk around, in and out of french cafes?
the old soda-jerk knows better.
he smiles at the newcomers' nervousness.
did you see the trash outside?
no, they say of course.
exactly, is his reply.

on a picture of my brothers and me at jamie's wedding.

2008-09-17T06:19:00.004+02:00

it's wallet-worn and smudged,
but i still hear pachelbel's in D
and our common saturday-morning language.
four boys, wearing black tuxes and teal ties,
lean against the ceremony's stage -
one of them is adding a wife tonight.

we commemorate life so far -
why i am the story-teller?
the husband-sage replies,
so we can listen.

2008-09-02T05:53:00.000+02:00

what effect does justification have in life? what role should it have?

florida sandals

2008-08-22T05:34:00.002+02:00

Squee-flop. Squee-flop. I take a deep breath. Squee-flop. Squee-flop. My eyes are closed but I know that sound anywhere. Squee-flop. And then, I can discern the trickling that is wheels rushing over tiles. Thud. Thud. Wherever grout comes together, rivers in the sterile plain. Squee-flop. Squee-flop. They must have been running - that’s the only reason to have sweaty feet in this climate-controlled, 72 degrees all-year-around area. Though the outside weather doesn’t change that much either - they say we have two seasons: summer and Christmas. Squee-flop. Squee-flop. Closer. Closer. I open my eyes. She’s beautiful. Wearing a sun-dress that we must have gotten at Bellas, because it screams Florida, a uniformity of brown, sun-darkened skin that told of her more Northern and sun-scarce roots, and black plas-leather sandals that made the sound I would know anywhere, she was coming right towards me.

I guess I should smile or say something. Something clever. I mean, I am my state’s last representative that she will see on our soil. I should say something, right? But I can’t. I didn’t. And she walked right on past; and I don’t blame her at all. Squee-flop. Squee-flop. It was starting to fade into the distance. I would miss that sound of sweaty skin peeling away from the foam and plastic of distinctively Florida sandals. Oddly cognizant, I heard my zone is being called. From the years of practice and repetition, I stood up, turned into an Automaton, got into line, and let my identity fade away. That’s what I love about airports and transit. There’s no present. There’s no identity, no responsibility for what occurs right now, in that very moment. In an airport, we stretch always for the future, knowing where we have come from, but never knowing who or where we really are, just stuck in the middle of something.

Did I enjoy my time in Florida? Yes, thank you. We all live with lies. I left this place, changed, and when I came back, it had gone all different on me. It was as if a puzzle I had been working on for years, with the image starting to come into being, was flipped, and now, only brown cardboard was staring at me - all familiar shapes, but no familiar faces.

Fire. In my lungs. What stage was this? Bargaining? Denial? Acceptance? Damn this seven step ladder. That must be anger. And knowing that defuses and guts all meaning from it. I didn’t want the knowledge of how I am supposed to react. Things die when you pin them down - look at his butterfly collection. Why did he even keep that? And the coin one? Mom doesn’t even like bugs. Maybe that’s why I took it. Or maybe, I took because that’s all of him I have left - memories pinned down, stuck forever in the same position of beautiful horror.

Closure. I can’t have closure, because I can’t have grief. And I can’t have grief, because I don’t want fucking closure. I want my Father back. I want his hands to move across his collection or his train, wearing those stupid reading glasses. I small smile creeps up on my face. They made his nose look even larger than it was. I want his wisdom, his advice. I want all those things that everyone always wants from their fathers. But I want it from mine. And I will never have it. 19 A: a small, cramped seat, looking out the world at a world I would never understand. But right now, with this lady and her 13-month-old daughter, both who know nothing about me, seat 19 A seems a little like home. Or the closest thing I am ever going to get to it. Lights are down for take-off. I take a deep breath.

This is just something I wrote. My dad is still alive, don't worry.

a continuing dialogue

2008-08-10T10:19:00.002+02:00

when i am alone, i am not an individual.

so, it goes something like this: individualization only occurs in the context of community, of interaction and inter-relation. nothing exists independently of anything else (support for triune theology), therefore, if i existed apart (which i cannot, but hypothetically...) i could not be. i could not interact, relate or do any other function or make any choice. what would my consciousness even look like?

okay. back to the dialogue that some of us have been having. i will face katrina’s note first, and hopefully within that address nolan’s comment as well.

why choose? if human nature is choice, we have no choice but to choose - paradoxical, i know. but doesn’t it make sense? we do not choose to come into existence, but after that moment we are in it, caught in its grip, forced to play by its rule - choose or cease to be.

disclaimer: heresy forthcoming as defined by western christianity.

i will admit that there are passages in scripture that seem to indicate an original sin doctrine, but this idea did not even pervade christianity at all until after saint augustine’s defense and avid support of it. look at the chapter katrina cited (romans eight). over and over again paul says, “live according to the sinful nature,” but marked by prepositions, “if”, and distinctions of “those” and “who.” one of the problems of the doctrine of original sin is: how is sin passed on? is it in the physically passed on? if so, what gene is it on? can we map it, maybe even turn it off? how is original sin passed on? again, if we have no choice but to sin, i will cite romans one as my defense again. there would be an excuse - kind of defeats grace and mercy, if we cannot but help to sin. and there is psalms eight, which calls man a little less than GOD (perhaps because we cannot love each other and GOD enough not to choose not to sin). but once we make that individual, socially/culturally habituated choice; well, we get what we see - a world in chaos.

there are other ancient scholars and early church leaders who were not supporters of the doctrine of original sin. most of them have been villianized. is history written by the winners? or at least strongly influenced? theology is a human discipline, and we are err.

no perfect man exists. could one exist? yes, i guess in theory, according to what i am saying, one could exist, but it is very, very, very unlikely. though, my understanding of eschatology supports this. i do not believe in the dichotomy of the ages - that we are trying to escape this earth and get someplace else, but i believe that GOD wants us to transform earth so that GOD and GOD’s love can fill our hearts and lives; that death and sin themselves may be defeated, forever. and i think that is what it comes down to - love ruling. forgiveness and reconciliation instead of revenge and fear. hope and peace instead of violence and hatred. love instead of human impotence.

jesus said all the law was contained in loving GOD and loving our neighbors. if the law is suppose to show us what is sin, well, didn’t he just do that? not loving GOD and not loving our neighbors is what sin is. why is this beyond good and evil? why is this different from morality? i should have been clearer. its beyond our ideas of good and evil, and our idea of morality. we are finite and GOD is infinite, and if GOD is good, then isn’t good infinite? isn’t it the same with love? how can we ever know then the furtherest bounds of goodness, of love, of GOD? what kind of love do we need? perhaps it is one that we can never fully grasp. first corinthians does a good job laying it out, and interestingly enough, in the greek, all the descriptions are verbs. love is being patient. love is being kind. what does those things look like?

i think every situation is different. just like how honoring our parents changes in time and in cultures - we do not honor our parents today like we did when we were five; nor would a chinese children honor their parents like americans would honor theirs. and even among american families there are differences! but the principle remains the same. so it must be with love. and whenever we love, we touch the infinite. which love wins? this, i really do not know. but this is why it is different than our idea of morality. it is not a system. it is an active, get-our-hands-dirty kind of thing. it’s being in the trenches. perhaps that’s why we should not judge.

back to my first thought. if individuals do not exist outside of a community, their choices and actions also must be void outside of a community. we may not have a choice where we end up, in what community. but we do have a choice, and therefore a responsibility (this ethic needs to be developed, but right now, my intuition tells me it’s there), to choose what we want the community to become. the choice might be considered ‘bad’ by the community. but if it furthers loving GOD and loving people, who is to judge?

katrina's question

2008-08-02T10:40:00.002+02:00

what is the purpose of humanity?

if humanity is at its core, its central nature, a choice, then what is our purpose? obviously, it is to choose. every word, every letter of everything ever written or said or done was a choice. history is full of choices - all leading up to now. effectively, what humanity has done is created a story; one filled, more often than not, with violence and fear and hate. suicidal, self-destructive stories. but does that negate our nature? no. in fact, i believe that it reaffirms it, and our need to grow, morally, spiritually.

for the confessing christian, the implications are clear - christ came to show us how to choose (though, perhaps in a way, not necessarily what). the law is love. not rules and regulations, which is said often enough, but it is not self-righteousness either. underpinning every choice, every action in this world is the question - what are we becoming? and if the law is love, then what we should be becoming is an expression of love that fills every minute and every word and every choice. as nietzsche said, "what is done out of love always happens beyond good and evil." and if christ is GOD, and GOD is love, then christ did everything out of love, and beyond good and evil. meaning, that he did not have a morality imposing on him, but that in every choice, he had furthering love as his objective. well, maybe i should put it like that - he had no objective; he just had love.

but what does this have to do with the purpose of humanity? it is the purpose of humanity! to be everything out of love, to replace the suicidal, self-destructive stories with ones of love, peace, and restoration. it evokes the question: why did GOD create us? was it not to enter into our story and have a relationship with us? that together we could make stories of being and love?

the purpose of humanity is simple, as are most truths in the end - live, grow, create stories filled with love (esstentially, filled with GOD). BE. harvey dent said, "in a cruel world, the only morality is chance." well, perhaps in a tragic world (one where all the responsiblity of every choice rests on the individual), the only morality is love. what do you think?

2008-08-01T20:01:00.001+02:00

Okay, so my friend, Bethany, has been talking about morality, human nature, judging, and responsibility over at her blog. I wanted to respond intelligently, so I have devoted a whole post to it. Namely, this post is responding to her "The Cider House."

Concerning human nature: I do not believe that we fallen, as such, but if we are, I completely agree with her - our behavior only plays out what we are (rather deterministic, though, isn't it?). My previous post dealt a lot with this subject, so I refer all of you to it.

As for the rest of her post, I actually seem to agree with most of it. Though, my reading of it might be off. We cannot judge one another, because we cannot actually see themselves as they see themselves. We can try, and as we grow further in our view of us-as-them, we empathize and understand, and, as in my experience, refrain from judgment, but offer an invitation of living life together, differently, if we believe that action to be harmful, perhaps not necessarily to them, but to the community to which we are inescapably tied. I find her statement, "Knowing human potential prevents me from placing myself above another," very interesting, because she has already claimed that we are fallen and there is nothing we can do about it. Is that what prevents her from judging? Knowing that human potential (thus, hers as well) is only destruction?

I reproduce her final paragraph in full here:

Nietzsche wrote in Twilight of the Idols, "We deny God, we deny the responsibility in God: only thereby do we redeem the world." But the problem with shirking responsibility is that the kind of forgiveness and redemption offered is not recognizable forgiveness or redemption at all. Instead of making clean, the effort is abandoned and experience is made insignificant. If our wrongness should be overlooked, and reconciliation is not possible for what has happened on earth, we might as well be done with it. Heaven, an eternity where there is good, maybe. We only hope. Our existence here, however, cannot be justified; life is endured futility.

In this, I am perplexed. First of all, I am perplexed with Nietzsche, for what is he redeeming the world to? Using a very religious, a very Christian term, he inexplicable turns it on its head, probably intending the renouncing of God and Christian morality, to becoming only an affirmer of whatever happens in life. And this, like Bethany says, makes experience insignificant, even sustained madness. Secondly, I am perplexed by the outcome of all this - life is endured futility. I guess if our experience is insignificant, if our wrongness should be overlooked, and if reconciliation is not possible, life is futile. Those are big 'ifs'.

Another offer.

What if we really are able to do good? Tragedy only exists if there is another viable solution. I cannot offer anything but a meaningful, tragic existence. The consequences of an inherent 'fallenness' are evident - futility, meaninglessness on Earth. But what happens when we embrace the human, immediate story that is filled with tragedy, suffering, and the like, because we have made it so? We are faced with the most tragic realization of them all - we are able to change things, but we have not. Yet. Lastly, a response to the Cider House: when legalism becomes the guiding light for any life, it also becomes futile, for it also denies the responsibility of choice. The power of the law is death. The dying of a free choice, and the responsibility that that entails.

aspiring philosophers should never take bribes: a voyage into existentialism?

2008-07-29T02:31:00.003+02:00

last night i couldn't sleep, for various reasons. then, i thought that i would blog about this topic today, because i need to. i need for people to look at these ideas and tell me i am crazy or not, AND WHY. so, here we go. thank you.

what if human nature is neither good nor evil - but merely choice? i know i have written about this before, but please, stick with me here. okay, so if human nature is choice, why do we more often than not (or so it seems) choose what turns out to be harmful? i think that the answer lies in habituation. since conception, we have received stimuli that direct in one way or another, creating a rut in us to lend toward one way of thinking - one of choosing - over another. people might label this as 'original sin' but it isn't. we choose every action that we take; we have responsibility for the consequences, therefore, grace abounds all that more.

if human nature is choice, it always explains why 'bad people' can do 'good things'. in that moment in which they choose to act to create more harmony and peace and love in the world, they 'overcome' their habituation and act out against the rut. it also explains why 'good people' can sometimes do the most hurtful thing at random. so what makes the choice?

the gods in antiquity were always less than the fates, because even they had to obey what was dictated 'to be'. then along comes the judeo-christian GOD, who could be seen (if argued properly, though perhaps not correctly) as the combination and de-anthropomorphizing of the fates and the gods. but these views (perhaps also incorrect) of a GOD who demonstrates GOD's power through an all-knowing perception led to the despairing of life and the community and the individual, because most submit (inshallah), and though they continue to have actions, they lack drive, desire, purpose - for their purpose is not their own; it has been established. i am not saying that this is the normal, or what it has to be always like, we humans are fantastic at rationalizing and conjucturing, because we don't like facing truth, because always truth hurts, since we cannot hide any longer.

so what becomes of purpose? or life, if everything is a choice - since that's what we are from the moment we enter screaming. it becomes infused in our very subjective, individual sense to seek out that purpose and that plan - those choices we must make, because time, time is ever-forward rushing. but is there some common, some universal purpose? the answer is simple - no; if there is no universal entity bearing the universal standard. this is where everything goes bonkers. arguments over whether god, gods, GOD, the 'cosmos' or whatever binding forces there is exists or not, and what it is like.

but that is for another time. if we are choice, if we are infused with purpose, what do we want our communities to become? what do we want to become? those two questions, i believe can lead us to very common ground. do we want to become better than what we are currently? many would answer yes. do we want to see more good in the world; people helping people, and neighborhoods and states and countries seeking peace instead of war or fear or mistrust? yes. what should we do? choose that. simple. but most truths are - even if they place the burden of responsibility not on the government, not on the state, not on the community, and not even on the family, but the individual, and the individual comprises all of those things. everyone bears all the responsibility.

if we are choices, potentialities waiting to unfold, amid community, habituated toward certain tendencies, which are not impossible to break, beyond good and evil, having been infused with purpose, what will we become? shall we perpuate the hiroshimas of everyday atrotricities, or shall we bear the mantle of reconciliation, of peace, of hope, of faith, of love?

what are we becoming?

dark knight. 90's music. thoughts.

2008-07-26T08:17:00.002+02:00

can we live without a plan?

i have heard that life is improvisation, and i used to agree with that whole-heartedly, but recently, i have been wondering if that is as true as i thought it once was.for as i see it, we live towards something. we all do. it might be towards leaving a legancy on earth for social norms or the pleasure of the moment but we all live with some direction, if not in mind, then in our subconscious.

chaos might be fair - everyone getting the same chances, but is it equitable? but that begs the question of every individual's equality. which, if i even try to question that, i will get people jumping down my throat. what would you rather have - equality in chaos or randomly assigned social and economic status - both are pretty chaotic, but we were all born to parents that we did not choose.

i do not want to place an over emphasis on our positions in life being directed by what randomly-assigned parents we have, but it does play a factor. but so do our choices.

are people inherently good? or are people inherently evil? what if we are inherently chaotic? that would bring equality in a sense. what if we are nothing more than what our choices make us? neither good nor evil, but just people. the sum of our choices, yet greater than that. what if our choices emerge us into something good or evil, but we choose - everyday by what we choose to do, say, think.

i am not saying that people do not make mistakes, but you can be a good person with a few of those. i hope. what do you think?

a post that shouldn't be

2008-07-21T22:26:00.004+02:00

so, i was writing this huge post on romantic love - talking about it has action, mystery and common experience. but then i had a conversation with a good friend of mine (thanks, lauren!), and i realized something. the most complex things in the universe, in human experience, are most potent when simply expressed.

is it love when i get her off my mind? that every time i open my phone i desperately want to call her - to get to know her and her crazy ideas. there must be secrets to discover. but i don't know. i don't know anymore. people are complex; we are people. what is there between people? does anyone ever understand it?

there is too much in the past that it crowds out the future. all the mistakes i have made. it would be love to forgive those mistakes. to take me as a broken individual that together, as broken individuals, we could make a beautiful story, together.

and i am thinking about what sarah said - love is watching someone die. so who's going to watch you die?

cosmos:

2008-07-10T17:54:00.003+02:00

the world is a big place - full of people, animals and plants. can you comprehend the faces of 6 billion people? that's a big number. how about the stories of those 6 billion? most of them are tragic - people being exploited by others thousands and thousands of miles away; and the exploiters most of the time don't know. we just consume. but this post is not about social justice. it's about scope. for as many people and stories as there are, planet earth is a tiny dot in the whole of the universe.

is 6 billion a large number? imagine there being 200 billion (a conservative estimate) stars in our galaxy alone, and probably over 130 billion galaxies in the universe. tracking with me? there's a lot out there - beauty beyond our imagining. is there life? again, that is probably for another post. a friend of mine asked me recently if i ever wanted to be an astronaut, and this is my answer for her - no, but now i do. though, i don't think i could ever survive the nasa training. it's mainly about the exploring. i love to explore. i love to know. my mom always said that i would always ask 'why?'. that is a trait i am learning to recover and live out again. curiosity is interwined with our existence. we may never found out, but we will always strive to know.

so whether it's traveling among the light years, or the distance between the synpases and the soul, let's ask why. let's be curious. let's discover the cosmos all around us.

cosmos; from greek; meaning world; the entirity of existence.

friendship.

2008-07-04T17:40:00.003+02:00

I was browsing through 'Flair' the other day on Facebook, when I came across this:

Now, at first you might not notice what I noticed. Take a good look at the number of adds per heart. As you see, there is a difference of 54 adds.

Let's talk a little about friendship. I was talking to a person that I would consider a friend - we've had some pretty good conversations - about what it means to be a friend. We talked about how it happens that a friend is someone you cannot tell your story without mentioning. It's when people can transcend individuality to begin weaving stories together, formulating new ones together. I think this understanding illuminates some aspects of the entire human story. For example, why sacrifice evokes emotion - it is the ending of one story so that another may go on.

I am not that good of a friend. This I will admit. Not only do I have trouble staying in touch with people, I also have problems opening up to people. It's something I am working on. I know I cannot be everyone's friend, but I can work on being 'what-you-see-is-what-you-get' Jeremy. I think I am going to strive for that, and for never being the one to end a conversation. Stopping when I walking to greet someone, instead of doing the over the shoulder thing.

There are a few dangers in this. One is letting people know me. For the scariest thing is this: letting someone know you (the real you, the one buried beneath all that protection) and having them reject you. Another danger is not going deep with people. In befriending many, there is a risk to be intimate with none. I don't want this to happen. I want to be open and communicable (like a disease), but I also know that not everyone will know everything. There needs to be those few. For example, Nick, Ben and Caleb at Wheaton; Wes and Mitch at home - all five of which I have been slacking in contacting, for which, I am really sorry. Sometimes you realize who your friends are when they are not around, and your jokes are kind of looked strangely at.

I cannot guarantee instant change, but hopefully, a better progression into the person I want to become. And friends are not projects, but relationships of giving and taking. I want to give. I want to take. And that's life. That's the journey. What else do we got?

Want to be my friend? Let's get coffee sometime and talk about our stories, okay?

2008-07-02T22:02:00.002+02:00

People with bigger understandings of God are often not called saints, but heretics.

2008-06-27T18:03:00.003+02:00

so, it has been a while since i have written. mainly, because i have been out of contact and in an intensive environmental science class, which has been great. anyways, though, just wanted to let you all know that i am still alive, and i still am here.

two quick things i want to talk about: love and forgiveness. the greek word for 'to forgive' also means 'to permit.' and isn't that what forgiveness is? if you forgive someone, it does not change the past. only your perception of it changes. you now look right at what they did and you permit it. in the words of the beatles, you let it be. interesting how a linking verb can do so much in language and thought.

and love. what is love? i think there must be this aspect of 'letting it be,' because we cannot change who people have been, nor can we force them to change, but we can partner in their story. the hebrew scriptures use the language of 'becoming one flesh,' but even deeper than that is when two separate stories, each emerging from their different sources, begin to blend together, distinct but inseparable. so, it is with friends. we have people in our lives without whom we cannot tell our stories without mention of them. so, what is love? perhaps it is telling our stories with each other. telling our stories with compassion, feeling, depth.

something to say

2008-06-08T06:20:00.000+02:00

i don't know what to say, but i feel like i should say something.

though, that has gotten me in trouble in the past. so, perhaps, for this once, i will just shut up and listen. this sounds like a plan.

quote

2008-06-05T19:17:00.001+02:00

"the opposite of faith is not doubt, but unbelief." - chris vlachos

white tea & peach

2008-06-04T23:12:00.002+02:00

so, i am sitting in caribou coffee, after coming from the bank. i am drinking a white tea & peach cooler. it is pretty good. anyways, the reason why i am writing this post.

i officially got the research position at wheaton. yep. that's right. i will be staying here in july and part of august. i probably will be going home for a week right before school though, because i have a wedding that needs attending. not mine, but a good friend's. anyways, so if you need me, you will know where to find me. here. in wheaton. working. oh, what fun and exciting times this will be. actually, when i am not working (which will be a substantial part of the time), i am going to be bored out of my mind.

arg.

2008-06-02T21:53:00.002+02:00

was that a nightingale?
no. the sky is turning gray.
so i go, departing from the bed,
and walk out into the world.

around me there is a new wonder,
baptized afresh in morning light,
behold! a marvel, life.
the sun rises slowly, lifting my eyes
up, up, up! to the light.

and every new hour forced me to choose
between life and death, such is
freedom's shackles, binding me.
for me to live, i consume,
a vampire of the light.

and the clock strikes noon,
the twelve pounding in my ears
i must hurry, the hours
evaporate now - vapors
of my freedom to choose.

what has this day emerged into?
is this story my own?
for when the sun beats down in agony,
the same questions will remain:
who are we? why are we here?

and light slowly fades,
along with all the answers.
so, we sit alone in the dark,
still searching, reaching,
grasping forward, finding our way.

but what do we reach in the end?
are we even there? how do we know?
this is no left, no right, no choice to make.
the sky is dark tonight, and nothing
penetrates this prison called my heart.

the clock strikes twelve again,
and in this twilight of the world,
there is no beauty.
no truth.

2008-05-31T21:16:00.002+02:00

have you ever felt like you didn't belong? that your past was a lie you told yourself to feel better? your present was a farce and your future was a figment of an overworked imagination?

2008-05-31T19:23:00.002+02:00

perhaps the only way we can ever move past our darkness is to embrace it, admit it, bring light to it. in doing so, don't we change ourselves? accepting others and ourselves for who we are allows us to become something new, allows us to come into the light.

the most important things...

2008-05-27T06:26:00.002+02:00

jesus the nazarene was once asked, "what is the most important thing god has to teach us?" he replied, "that you love god with everything you have - with your mind, with your soul, with your heart, with your strength. but secondly and interwoven with that is you must love your neighbor as you love yourself."

ladies and gentlemen, jesus, the invisible god made visible, answered love. love. love.

life as we know it

2008-05-26T05:02:00.002+02:00

have you ever had a word haunt you? if you have seen doctor who, you will understand a little of what i mean. for as the phrase 'bad wolf' haunts the doctor and rose, so the word, and its derivatives, emerge has haunted me for about a year now. it is not just within the context of the 'emergent church,' though that has been one of the main ways i have seen this word, but also in philosophy, in life, in my readings, and in my conversations.

the dictionary defines emerge like this: emerge |iˈmərj|; verb [ intrans. ];
(1) move out of or away from something and come into view
(2) become apparent, important, or prominent
(3) (of facts or circumstances) become known :
(4) recover from or survive a difficult or demanding situation
(5) (of an insect or other invertebrate) break out from an egg, cocoon, or pupal case.

those five definitions have played a role in my life and in my processes of thought for the past year, since around this time a year ago, i was graduating from high school. a lot of life has happened, coupled with this word, as i have emerged into who i am today. let's go into, shall we?

for the first, i have moved out from home, away from the shelter of that place, and into view of a larger world, a bigger picture, a vaster reality. my life is coming into view, and that's kind of scary, but mainly exciting. i have emerged into a world that i didn't know before, and it has only been the last few months that this has really happened, but i am excited to see where it goes, this journey. the world is full of ideas and philosophies and thoughts and stories, and i have been given the great privilege of learning about them, having dialogues and conversations about them, and pursuing some of them.

as to the second definition, some of my character has emerged in front of my eyes. some parts i like, and some parts that need improvement. i am a work in process - and that's fine with me! i will never fully arrive, but will also be emerging into someone, who hopefully resembles more and more the self-sacrificial, loving, accepting, giving, and caring person of jesus the nazarene. but other thoughts have emerged as well, becoming known to me; for example, what exactly is important in christianity, and what is important in following christ. it's not the rules, literally, thank god. nor is it the law, though some might argue and some might continue to live under it. it is grace, love, embrace, forgiveness, redemption (a 'buying back' of harmful traits into creative and restoring ones), living out being a disciple. our theologies are man-made, and god is bigger than they are. god is bigger than calvin, luther, mclaren, heuslein, and all the others. the idea of god and god's ideas for me are emerging together, and in an awkward kind of middle school dance for now, if that makes sense.

what has become known? questions are important. questions are very important. perhaps even more important than answers, because if you don't have questions, how will you ever get answers anyway? someone may even tell you an answer, but if you have not questioned anything concerning it, it is like telling a dog about the mona lisa - it just doesn't care and it cannot really understand. what else has become known? friends are extremely important. vital even - and definitely relate this to the latin word (vita), which means life. because without those close and important relations, there cannot be life. only mere existence.

fourthly! difficult situations have abounded this year. not only the transition, but difficult relationships and demanding classes, but coming through them has formed me into who i am today, or you could say, i have emerge as me from them. and this process, thankfully, is not done, and never will be! life is process of becoming. though we suffer and though we experience heart-ache, loss, pain, regret, fear, and despair, we cannot let these things rule us, but in all things, may hope remind us to see what we are becoming, and what that process is. there is a telos. let's get there together!

and lastly, breaking from the cocoon...this is what it is like. i am beginning to break out into the light, to turn around in the cave and stop staring at the shadows of the answers, but to embrace the questions, instead of the answers. one day, i might have some, but for now, it does not matter, really. this process is just like spring. it will rain and suck sometimes, and the dead stuff of winter is still rotting, but if you look beneath the surface, something is growing, coming, and will one day finally emerge into something new and wonderful. a new creation, with old things passing and new things coming. and like i said earlier, may these things be the characteristics that make life worth living - a life for others, for something beyond myself and this little point in history. may my story merge into the larger one of god and humanity, and may it emerge into something more because of me. i guess that's kind of like a prayer.

so this is a journey. this is a process of discovery. it will have its ups and its downs, but it will always be exciting. this is life. this is jeremy, emerging. another year down. it's totally been worth it too.

A little dichotomy, please.

2008-05-24T19:02:00.003+02:00

Okay, so I saw this, and am disgusted. Winning the culture war? First of all, let's diagnose the assumptions and see what we get. The book might be good, so this is going to be more of a critique of James Dobson and his organization. I'm sorry, not James Dobson, but his ideals and ideas about Christianity and the State. Winning the culture war? This assumes that first, politics is the essence of culture, and that in politics, Christians are leading the way.

I think most of us will agree that politics, though apart of culture, is not the quintessential aspect of culture. In fact, culture, how people live and what people want, influence politics, or at least it should, but that is for another post. Anyways, so, Christianity, Dobson's Christianity, I should say, is winning the culture war? I don't think so. Nor do I think he should be trying. Christianity is not about power. It is about service. It is not about influence, but about transformation. Right? Or am I crazy here?

America is not the battleground. Influence in regional, kingdom of the world, politics is not the objective. Bringing the love and restoring power of the kingdom of God is. What does God care about nations? Why should God bless this abstraction for following God institutionally? I don't think we ever will, nor should we try, except as individuals and communities. Jesus was not about force. They tried to him a king by force, so he ran away from them! Why? Because Christianity is about freely choosing service, love, hope and faith. Only then can it have the ability to transform a life.

What are doing? How can we make Christianity more like Christ? Is there any hope for it?

Subversion as an Art

2008-05-23T04:13:00.002+02:00

Who is the most central figure of history?

Next question, who is the second most? And why?

I'll show you mine, if you show yours. (Answers, I mean.)

just an update

2008-05-16T22:50:00.002+02:00

so i am sitting outside. just waiting for jon to come back and let me into the room. attempting to write, but not being very successful at it, i decided to post.

but there is not really much to talk about. i have been pretty bored here. i have had meetings and stuff and i saw narnia last night (it was fantastically awful). i got a trenchcoat and it is at the dry cleaners.

i think i am just going to do some reading. later days.

Almost a Week

2008-05-14T23:30:00.004+02:00

So, school has been out almost a week, and I have already worked 40 hours. Mostly, I have been lugging stuff around or operating a camera as people walk across a stage. It's been a fun time. There is sarcasm there.

Anyways, I am rather bored. I packed up some f my books and I won't have access to them until Friday. This is unfortunate, because I would be reading yet now and not typing up a blog posting. Oh, well. At least I am doing something besides lugging boxes and TVs around.

I have had some really interesting conversations with people the last few days. People I probably never would have talked to or meet had I not been here. So, I am already glad I have stayed. I will also get to have some REALLY good conversations with profs, as I will be meeting with them over the summer. This I am excited about.

Again, the dialogue is stimulating and thought-provoking. And I am beginning to see more and more the capability of life and learning here. I am really excited. It's gonna be good.

L'chai-im!

2008-05-12T07:49:00.002+02:00

One of the most amazing things about life is that people can be living in worlds that continue to differ, increasingly, but they can still be friends. At times, it can be a stretch to be more than that, but in the end, friendship always works.

Every choice that we make makes us into something, into someone. And that's life. There's no judgment there. Just realize this truth. We choose who we are going to be. So, who are you going to be?

It's an exciting journey. I'll see you at some point along the path, my friend, of that, I am sure.

A Different Pledge

2008-05-09T08:22:00.003+02:00

I pledge alligance to humanity, and to my neighbor, for whom all stand;
One planet, under God, inseparable, with dignity and hope for all.

if you have not seen Lord of War yet, you need to. desperately.

2008-05-07T02:41:00.002+02:00

There are never a whole lot of things that conceive me that there is a God, but today would be one of those days. It's what you would call - perfect. The weather right now just evokes a Creator's care. Winter has lost its final grip. Spring now abounds. It's fantastic.

The smells are fresh and alive. The sky is blue, with some lite white clouds. The wind is warm. Warm, for the first time since November. Finals are going okay. Two down. Two to go. Greek is not going to be bad. Logic might cause some problems, but I still have all of tomorrow to study for it. Life seems to be pretty good.

Only if I knew what that meant.

A Dionysian Ethic in Shakespeare?

2008-05-01T23:03:00.003+02:00

"...banish plump Jack, and banish all the world."

This line comes from Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part One, in Act II Scene IV. It is the defense of what would seem a rascal of a character, and possibly a good defense at that. I am exploring the idea of it as a final paper topic. So, before I even bring writing a critical paper, I wanted to write about it here and get a real for what I believe concerning this literary character (in more than one sense of the word).

What does it mean to banish Jack Falstaff? What is Jack Falstaff. Okay, I think Falstaff is the representation of the more raw nature of humanity. He lacks most the 'Apollonian' structures of social graces and responsibilities, celebrating a form of life that seeks to live day to day. Now, obviously, I have some knee-jerk reactions to the idea, and rightly so, but to dismiss it completely would be sin. In Aristotle's words, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." I am attempting to be educated.

Okay, so if Jack Falstaff is what Nietzsche would call the Dionysian, or is at least, similar to it (for I do not know all the nuanced characteristics of Nietzsche nor Falstaff, but from my readings, they do seem extraordinarily similar), then why would be it banishing the world to banish plump Jack? Perhaps the idea lies in Binary Opposition (or rather, as Nietzsche would put it - in that the Apollonian structures are false ((there is no order in the universe, just what is)), so consequently, only that can be the world). I don't know what seems more probably my stated reason or my parenthetical.

If it is Binary Opposition, it would imply that banishing Jack would be banishing the entirety of the world, because without the less noble ideals, how could we know the more noble ones? How could we be more human without seeing the scope of humanity? This also implies that Jack knows what he is doing and is content with it.

If it is Nietzsche's view, it is much simpler. If we banish Jack (who represents what he calls the Dionysian ((he also claims that only what is real))), we would denying what truly is life. Nietzsche wants to affirm life and whatever happens in life. And that is the real - the order we write unto it is our own thinking and doing, attempting to create order out of chaos.

Jack seems to want to live as well, but I don't know what we can say that he affirms everything that happens in life. He definitely is not the Übermensch Nietzsche wants man to become. But his instance on life, on living beyond responsibility, as an individual, critiquing the king the way he does, implies (I would say) a type of Dionysian ethic.

And how should we respond to this call? We need to affirm what is life-affirming. Which brings into question, what is life-affirming? In the play, Falstaff is mainly arguing, as I see it, against the war and ideals behind it, wanting people to drink and be happy (for tomorrow, we shall die). I would agree with him that war is not life-affirming, but perhaps not swing as far as he does into total laxity. There is responsibility. Every choice we make everyday, every hour, needs to be life-affirming. Responsibility is embedded into every choice. And we need to embrace Falstaff in order to affirm his life and to suggest a better way. We cannot banish that with which we disagreed, but we should love. Love is the last word.

the best thing ever

2008-04-30T21:31:00.002+02:00

Oh, Wikipedia! How I love thee!

A Philosophical Inquiry

2008-04-30T06:27:00.003+02:00

So, my mind seems to be brimming on the edge of something. I cannot say what, for I don't really know. I haven't read enough. I haven't dialogued enough, but what I am coming to discover is a Nova Res. A new thing. At least, it might be.

There is a principle in Biology (as a philosopher, I have every right to steal from the natural sciences, as my discipline gave birth to the others, anyways...) called "Emergence." Basically, what I understand about it is that it states: the system is greater than the sum of the parts. Expounding more upon that, the system cannot be reduced merely to the parts, because in relation to one another, they create something new and unique.

I think that this principle can be adopted into Philosophy. I don't know all the implications yet, but it could help unfold some problems a little more. Basically, what I want to do is combined this idea of Emergence with Hegelian relations, Kierkegaard's subjectivity, and perhaps even Husserl's account of knowledge-perception.

That last paragraph probably seems unintelligible, but trust me, it is and it means something. What exactly? I don't know yet, but I will keep you informed. I think there might be something new happening. The Geist is unfolding. Oh, I am so excited! ((Call me a nerd. I don't care!))

I never do these, but I decided to this once...

2008-04-28T03:59:00.002+02:00

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE DOWN THE FIRST LINE NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Comment on it.

1)Are you a male or female?
The revolution rock.

Well, I guess that's what I am.

2) Describe yourself?
It feels like you've been asleep for days; the television is on, I can't stay awake - I'll fall down, again.

Haha. Oh, if only. I have had a crazy weekend.

3) How do you feel about yourself?
Today...is gonna be the day, I'll always remember.

This is true. I have a horrible memory, so I only ever remember the present.

4) Describe your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend:
The day I learn to fly , I'm never coming down,
On perfect I'll rise through the layers of the clouds.

Well, I guess you could interpret that about the caged bird knowing how to sing.

5) What would your ex say about you?
I can smell the death on the sheets, covering me. I can't believe this is the end.

Relient K. Hmm...Perhaps, she would. I don't know. Like I said, bad memory. Sometimes it's blessing. Though sometimes, the memory is selective, and I remember things I wish I could forget.

6) Describe your current love interest?
My Daddy was a sinner, but my Mother was a saintly person.

I have no idea.

7) What would your current love interest say about you?
I'm scared that I might be burning out.

I am a crazy fire of love...Not like Dido in the least.

8) Describe your current location:
Fred sits alone at his desk, in the dark.

This is pretty telling. I should be doing that, while doing homework.

9) Describe where you want to be:
I see you down on the front line.

Yep. This is true.

10) Describe what you want to be:
I have (I have) you breathing down my neck (breathing down my neck)

A stalker?

11) Describe your best friend:
No, woman, no cry.

...yes?

12) What would your best friend say about you?
Revvin' up your engine, Listen to her howlin' roar, Metal under tension, Beggin' you to touch and go, Highway to the Danger Zone.

Oh, that's exciting.

13) Your favorite color is:
Today's the Macy's Day Parade
The night of the living dead is on its way

Living dead?!? Black. Or gray...

14) You know that:
Here, A little sympathy for you to waste on me
I know you're faking it but that's okay.

Yellowcard. God bless.

15) What is the weather like?
And today was a day just like any other.

Actually, it was a little colder than it should have been.

16) If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson

I don't know but it would take place in New York.

17) What is life to you?
I don't know, well, I'm just gonna sing this track first.

Singing? Me? Never.

18) What is the best advice you have to give?
I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down.

Arson. It pays.

19) What is the meaning of life?
Sail away where no ball and chain
Can keep us from the roarin' waves
Together undivided but forever we'll be free.

How existential.

20) What is life’s biggest problem?
4am. Two hours ago.

Insomnia.

21) What solves the mysteries of life?
Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Yes. Those things solve the mysteries of life.

22) What is your dream?
Well its hard to explain
but I'll try if you let me.

Sweet! Avoidance!

23) What is your greatest fear?
In a dream that i cant seem to shake she is, she is standing alone

Leaving someone alone. Disappointing people. Yep. Right on, Randomness.

24) What is your worst attribute?
Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by

I had to give the first verse. Listen to the entire song. It's pretty spot on.

25) What is your greatest strength?
Come to decide that the things that I tried
Were in my life just to get high on

Drugs. My greatest strength.

26) Describe your love life:
&lt;A HREF="http://a.tribalfusion.com/h.click/abmMBk1UZb90quORUFZcUrBYVtB3nU7rRUJr1qMt3T7f5TfXoTZbAXFZb7UWFXm6UZbmVQomHnC2EQe2Wyn3PfGpbYEYsfP1VUV0VvvmErP5UQVVrnAWP74Qan3SVBMQWfs0WftTPfM4sM1YbYBV6Tn26YdR97nwbjUkG/1070268493" TARGET="_blank"&gt;&lt;IMG SRC=http://cdn5.tribalfusion.com/media/1194246/SRCH_WLS_VideoHD_102007_300x250.jpg WIDTH=300 HEIGHT=250 BORDER=0&gt;&lt;/A&gt;

Click Here!

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

Once again, listen to the entire song. Odd how this is working. Goo Goo Dolls. Let Love In.

27) How are you going to die?
Ooh i need your love babe,
Guess you know it's true.
Hope you need my love babe,
Just like i need you.

I guess I don't need your love, if I want to survive.

28) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
It's just like you to contest
Wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?

This song is called, "Ender will save us all." Ender would be my name.

29) What do your friends think of you?
My heart is beating from me. I'm standing all alone.

What friends?!?!?!?!

30) What is your funeral song going to be?
If you find yourself here on my side of town,
I pray that you come to my door.

If you die, look up my number. We'll chill.

31) What will you be remembered for?
So God how come every wrongs been done?
With deals no Christ should allow
Once the communist now the terrorist
With blood as thick as yours

Well, my sins. Of course.

32) What will end up being your greatest accomplishment?
Don't you dare speak for someone you don't know.
They'll feel it in the back of their throat.

Hmm...Following my parents' advice?

33) What will be engraved on your tombstone?
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

a poem

2008-04-21T20:31:00.005+02:00

why do all the pretty people die?
falling down like jericho, like empires and snow
all the pretty people die and melt away.
ruined and in ruin, all the pretty people
lay in dust, discarded and forgotten.
and the walls will fall, the children
will perish, slaughtered and stained.
why do all the pretty people die?
why do all the people die?
why do all die?
why?

Life...

2008-04-19T19:07:00.003+02:00

...is too short not to do what you really want to do.

This does not excuse any type of behavior. Merely, it is an exhortation to live. Sit down and breathe for a moment. This may seem ridiculous but do it, especially if you have never done it before. Stop and think. Think - what do I really want to do? Nothing else will ever bring as much contentment as doing that. You don't have to do just that, but you could. Breathe. Live.

Life is too short not to do something bigger than yourself.

Theology

2008-04-11T22:06:00.004+02:00

So, I have heard this word pretty frequently, especially over the past few days. Here are a few thoughts on the subject.

I have nothing wrong with Theology, and coming up with theories of God-related things, and how God and Christians should intentionally relate to things or approach different areas of life. For example, having theologies of friendship, institutions, fear, et cetera; there is nothing wrong with this, and is generally helpful, but Theology must remember its place.

Theology is a man-made system! And how can limited man completely and with utter certainty describe an infinite God? We can't. Plain and simple. We can try, but we must, must, must never forget that God is bigger than our systems. God is bigger than our universe. God is bigger than our Bible. And isn't that amazing? That there is mystery. That in the end of time, there will still be mystery, and we can fall into it, into love, into the embrace of the mystery of God?

Today in Chapel, Dr. Edith Humphrey talked about the Trinity - one of the greatest mysteries of God. And within her lecture she said, "And judgement day will confirm our theology." First of all, I have no idea where this came from, and secondly, this strikes him as arrogance to the core. Even C.S. Lewis, who probably was more intelligent and brilliant than Edith, said that, "God is the great iconoclast." Meaning, God strikes down the images we construct. God destroys our own theologies, blowing them out of the water. Our theology will be confirmed? Yeah, right. I hope and pray not! I want God to reveal the mystery; I want to enter into a new story - one without the veil between God and humanity, where we, together, can explore eternally the depths of it.

So, the implications for Theology? Yeah, it's good and whatnot, but beware, lest you fall into arrogance, which is the curse for all of us, really. But we must never, never, ever think that we have it figured out completely. And we must learn to accept paradoxes and mysteries. Besides, they are the best part.

The Story I Find Myself In

2008-04-08T02:49:00.002+02:00

Okay. So this is a brief synopsis of what I have been thinking through a lot.
Some of it might rub some people the wrong way; for others, it may enlighten. In short, this is my story – the story I find myself in…

Creation
Genesis. God works in the beginning, setting creation in motion, imbuing it with purpose and dignity. The universe, in order to have unique being (being something other than an idea in the mind of God), is created outside of God’s self. Although God fills it and works in it, the universe is distinct from God, as He has given it Being. God authors the story of the universe, and participates, but does not control it mechanistically, once again imbuing it with being and freedom, imbuing it with Being.

I used to fight a lot over the issue of Creationism verses Evolution. But now, I have come to understand that it doesn’t really matter. Unfortunately, in saying this, I might set off both the staunch Creationists and Evolutionists, but what I will say to them is this: why? Why does it matter? Where does purpose reside? For some that latter question is: is there purpose? Not just some arbitrary socially or communally defined one, but a transcendent purpose. For myself, I see it as God giving purpose, in a very Aristotelian form-and-matter way, where Matter is there (developed in any way) but Form writes itself onto it, giving it purpose, a telos (side note: this has become important for my ideology of ethics that I will deal with later.). So, with a final note – let’s just get over it. Life is too short to argue about how it begun, whether thousands, millions or billions of years ago. Let it go. You find a lot of freedom.

Crisis
Our world is messed up. If you don’t believe me, look outside. We, as humanity and as individuals, have gone beyond our limits, destroying our world ecologically and socially, causing political divisions and wars, famine, racism, genocide, the oppression of the poor, mass slums, an AIDS pandemic, and economical disparities that would make any Creator and good human being pause and cringe. How did this happen?

In the ancient Jewish Scriptures, an account of evil entering the world is recorded. God walks along aside humanity, talking and forming a community with them. But then we, wanting to become gods ourselves, break from him, claim power and knowledge for ourselves, setting up a suicidal machine that continues to this day. But God was not content to let His creation, which He loved and cared for to die so quickly, so easily. No, He had plans to win it back to Himself.

Calling
God began this rescue plan by calling individuals to enter into a relationship with Him again. Blessing them, He charged them to be a blessing. People, who enter into the story with God, are not called to apocalyptic, removed from the world, with some sort of religious death-wish, but time and time again, God calls those people to enter into the world, redeeming (literally, buying back) it and attempting to restore it to its former self. Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were early members of this revolutionary group of individuals who believe not only that there was a God (most of ancient Mesopotamia believed there were gods, but more like natural forces, removed and uncaring), and that He cared (completely opposite from the ‘natural forces’ as gods) about them and invested in their lives, and they could commune with Him. Calling these individuals to His side, the side that wanted to rescue the world, show it love, subvert the system of violence and revenge and hate, with one of love, forgiveness, peace and hope, God started a journey with humanity down which many have followed; I am trying to follow this invitation, working with God for a revolution of His kingdom of mercy, grace, peace, love, and forgiveness and reconciliation, instead of working against it (defined by most Christians as ‘sinning’).

Conversation
But not everyone understood God and His call to them. Though He selected a nation, the Jewish one, to bless, so that they could bless, sometimes they wandered away from His call of being agents against the suicidal system. Priests, poets, prophets and philosophers all commented and re-commented and re-commented on God’s law and their purpose in the world.

This part of the story is not necessarily over. The conversation continues today, evolving, emerging, growing and encompassing more and more topics and issues. And fortunately, the publicized American conversation in recent years has moved beyond the small, vocal minority of the conservative, evangelical community in Christianity (Evangelicism), to actually become a conversation, a dialogue between many different voices, who, above all else, desire truth and how that is lived out in the world.

But getting back to Ancient Palestine, these priests, poets, prophets and philosophers sometimes got things right, and the people followed God’s will, and sometimes they got things wrong and ended up working against God’s plan for rescue from the suicidal machine of self, national, and world destruction. But they kept moving forward, hoping, praying and waiting for the Rescuer.

Christ
This was in preparation for the coming of Jesus the Christ. Mere conversation was not enough, as humanity needed grace and an example of how to live. We need a new framing story, a new purpose, or better stated, a renewed purpose. And so God sent Jesus Christ, not merely as atonement (reconciling the broken, fragmented relationship between God and humanity), but also as an example of how to LIVE.

In his good news, his story of the coming of the Kingdom (Revolution might be a word for us today) of God, he proclaimed hope, restoration and grace. Reconciliation, between God and humanity, humanity with humanity, and humanity with the world, is possible. It’s not about Heaven and Hell – it’s about here and now. “The Kingdom of God is (where?) at hand. Repent (turn around, change your story) and believe (not merely trusting in it, but acting on it)!” said Jesus of Nazareth, not merely a good moral teacher, not merely a Savior, not merely a revolutionary – he was all of these and more. Let’s not commit the great fallacy of reduction, but attempt to understand the character of Christ, arguably the most influential person in history, though he never wrote a book, never had a program, and never traveled more than 200 miles from home. The Christ who has come to rescue humanity from their own destructive story and give them hope.

Church
After Christ ascended, he left a few things behind for future generations. In fact he said, “It is better for you if I go away, because then I will send the Spirit.” And so he left, but his followers continued to build and to attempt to live up to his example. Sometimes, like in Conversation, they failed, and sometimes they succeeded. History cannot be glossed over; crimes have been committed in the name of Christ, wars launched and ‘heretics’ killed. Why? There is no reason except the misuse of power.

Christ said that he came to serve, to love, and that we should love one another (John 13). He scolded his follower for trying to defend him when they were taking him away to die (Luke 22). He declared that his Kingdom was not of this world and shouldn’t use the suicidal system of violence and revenge (Matthew 5-7, John 18). But the Church has. Nothing is perfect; everything is in progress; there is a great stamp of UNFINISHED, burned across the hearts of humanity and the Church.

But what is the Church’s responsibility today? God does not just ‘elect’ certain people (though many would disagree with this) for some party in Heaven, so that they can have a “screw-the-earth” attitude. No – as far back as Genesis, He says, “I will bless you so that you can be a BLESSING.” The Church is the same way. The Church’s responsibility is to expand the Kingdom of God, the one of peace, reconciliation, hope, joy and love, but not through violent means, or through tactics of fear, but through the very thing their leader, Jesus, talked about – LOVE.

Consummation
It all ends in embrace. Okay. This will mostly be considered the most heretical of all these little ramblings. How does eternity work? Is there a Hell? A Heaven? Well, my short answer to that would be – I don’t know. Well, I don’t know about Hell. Heaven? I would think so, yeah.

There are many things I could say. I could talk about Annihilationism, Universalism, Conditionalism, Absolutism, Predestination, Election and Free Will. But I won’t. You may not even know what those terms mean (I didn’t know myself until I started researching them; and many I still don’t understand!), but that does not matter. What I can say with some certainty is this: we have it wrong. I don’t know if there is a Hell or what it looks like, but I think we (Christians, and mostly, Evangelicals) have abused the idea, using it as a scare tactic, turning redemption into ‘Fire-Insurance.’ This is ridiculous.

Many then might ask, “Why Jesus?” Why would people choose Jesus if there is no Hell to escape from and I could do whatever I want? Well, if you had that attitude, I might consider you extremely selfish, but I would still love you and befriend you. Why Jesus? I can only tell you why I choose him (or for those Calvinists, why he choose me). Because of all the narratives in the world, all the stories concerning life and my place in it, Jesus not only articulated the best way, but also lived it! He was the way, the truth and the life. The way of Jesus – that is what Christianity is supposed to be. We have gotten some things right. We have gotten some things wrong. And the conversation will continue.

Thoughts?

Credits
I have to give credit where credit is due. These ideas have been developed in community with my friends, Nick, Ben and Caleb, among many others. I also need to thank Brian McLaren for the terminology and my professors for the seeds of thought. May these seeds continue to grow and be challenged and change. Many will disagree with what I have just written about, but that’s okay. Let’s discuss this, talk about it, dream together. I’m only a nineteen-year-old undergraduate, so I probably don’t have a lot right, but I am making the effort, the search, the journey. What else can I do? This is the story I find myself in.

The Week

2008-03-17T21:48:00.004+01:00

Oh man, oh man. This was one crazy Spring Break.

I should just leave it at that, but no, I will divulge the information that will qualify that statement.

Friday, March 7

So, we left Wheaton a little later than expected. I am not going to mention any names, (cough Peske cough) but we got underway with little hindrance except that shower, which was needed and benefited the whole car. Anyways, the drive was interesting. We ran into the snow storm that took out east Indiana and Ohio, but we were at its front, so it was okay. Then we got lost in Amish-ville! Seeing sighs like "Opossum Trot Lane," "Jesus is Coming," and "Beware Horse and Buggy," we knew we were off the beaten track. But we survived somehow and made it to our hotel in Bowling Green, Kentucky.

Saturday, March 8

So, we got up kind of later than we wanted, but then we made good time, with me driving the first shift through Kentucky, Tennessee and into Georgia. Not much to tell here, but of the traffic, mountains, gas stops and Chickamunga Deli. You know what I mean. Anyways, we arrived at my house at 11:30.

Sunday, March 9

Well, today we just slept in and then had a BBQ with my family. I saw Jamie, Jenn, Jon, Jeffrey, Grandma, Mom and Dad, and our new dog, Otis. He's a pug. He's okay. Kind of jumpy and bites right now. But that's okay. Jaime (Realsen) said that he's so ugly, he's cute. I don't know how that works. Anyways, then we went to Central Winds Park and played football. Tyler almost died. Who knew he was athletic, but had asthma? So...then we got the apartments, had Macaroni and Cheese, and played Munchkin. A good day.

Monday, March 10

Today, we went to the beach and it was cold. I got buried. Just check out the pictures and video. It explains it. Then we hang out some more, got pizza and a movie. Also a good day. These entries are getting shorter and shorter.

Tuesday, March 11

Ah. Today was also good. We went to Wet 'N Wild. And it was half off, because we were college students. Thanks, Mrs. Jones! Anyways, the rides and people were fun, as usual. Hmm...nothing too exciting happened...except that I almost died! Just kidding. Oh! I convinced everyone to ride the Bomb Bay. It was great! It seems like everyone had fun.

Wednesday, March 12

Well, today we went to Rock Springs with Mitch and Wes. That was a lot of fun. The water was warmer than any place we have been so far, and will probably be that stay that way. We explored the depths of natural Florida, and laughed and talked together, and chased exotic lizard-esque creatures. When we got back, we continued to party late into the night, as good Wheaton College students do.

Thursday, March 13

Today, Jon and Desiree got married. That was really great, actually. They were pronounced at 3:02. The reception was really good too, and Heather came! So, that made it even better. Apparently this one table that was not in our group bought them Champagne, so that was nice, and it seemed like Jon enjoyed it. Ah. I am the only one left...besides Jeff. I am the oldest one left...scary thought. Anyways, that night we left bowling and hung out at the apartment. Heather got to meet everyone, so that was really good. And I got to see everyone too, which was also awesome. And I got to meet some people, so that was even better. The guys are leaving in the morning, so I wished them a farewell.

Friday, March 14

So, today was my dinner and a movie with Heather. We went to Chili's and then to Juno, which was a fantastic movie. I could use this opportunity to tell the world how amazing (with all her wit and humor), wonderful (in her grace and charm), and special (this is self-explanatory) she is to me, but I wouldn't want to embarrass her, so I will refrain, but she is. I don't know where I would be without her...actually, probably splattered on I-95, just south of Jacksonville, but that's a different story. This was a great day.

Saturday, March 15

Well, today was a pretty full day. I woke up kind of early, and hung out with my dad, and then did taxes and whatnot, and the FAFSA (both of which I need to finish up). That night, I went to All Shook Up with Heather and Mrs. N, which was a really great show, and then we headed over to Ashley's and hung out there, playing Apples-to-Apples, and watched a Clint Eastwood movie. Only one day left. I going to miss this place, and these people more.

Sunday, March 16

Happy Birthday, Lauren! Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to call her, but I remembered! Today was church in the morning, and then transit. I got back to Wheaton at 7:30....grr. Well, I am here. Let's make the best of it!

The Week Before

2008-03-06T17:13:00.003+01:00

I have been thinking about time lately. And oddly enough, I am brought back to Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway's line, "The leaden circles dissolve in the air." Time seems so vast before us, stretching out into the great, unknown country, but how quickly the ground under our feet is traversed, and the arrival has come, or the time to depart.

How quickly this life seems to slip by - one day we stand, the next we fall. And where should the emphasis be? On how we stand? Where we fall? Or how we walk and who we walk with?

Life is not full of many compartments, as much as would like to label and sort and differentiate, to classify into genus, into species. It is raw, human, full of err, full of joy and pain. It cannot be sugar-coated, glazed-over and given justice to. As humanity, we have to embrace the past in order to embrace the future - but realize that the mistakes of the past cannot be undercut, cannot be change, but can be reconciled to, embraced, brought into the fold of human experience and learned from.

My story of the last few months is reflective of this fact: History is not drive by the past, with each new empirical unit building upon the other before it, but by being called into the future. Imagine a child, learning to walk, clumsily leaving her mother's arms, she stumbles forward, to where her father is waiting on the other side of the room, calling, beckoning her forward. Daring to risk face-planting into the rug, she goes forward, stumbling, standing, going, finding her way with hope, determination and triumph.

And this is time. As we trudge through this story, our story, the story we find ourselves in, may we keep lifting our hands, pushing with our hands, bending our backs into walking position again, and surging forward, for we hear the Father's voice beckoning us to come, to come home.

Frustration!

2008-03-02T22:08:00.000+01:00

I hate filing taxes.

I'm Waking Up to See the Sun

2008-02-21T17:08:00.003+01:00

Greetings, blogosphere, or particularly, those who have discovered this little outlet of mine. Many, or few, of you may be asking, "What have you been up to recently, Jeremy?" Well, let me answer your curious inquiries.

President's Day weekend, I was in DC visiting Heather, which was awesome. We had lots of fun running around DC on a scavenger-birthday hunt, put together by some really fun friends of hers. And then of course, we saw the memorials, and some of the museums, and the National Archives, which was my first time seeing those documents in person, and that was incredible. Honestly, if you even love the idea of freedom, you should visit. There is something majestically tangible in the room.

I had the opportunity to meet her friends, like I said, and they were really cool. And it made me miss that special kind of community, the heterogeneous, diverse myriad of people, since I am in the smooth relief of Wheaton. And so, when I came back, it was shock to my system in its own way. It's funny. Leave a place for a few days, I recommend at least three, go away the farther the better, and live in the difference for a while. It taught me to appreciate both, and reminded me of great diversity of life, and how amazing it is. Everyone has their story, or to use some imagery, everyone is a stream, coming from their own mountains, having their own trail down to this river of life. Alright, that was cheesy. I apologize, but you get the point, right?

And I am back at Wheaton, and life is already sweeping downstream. Already, I have written two papers, attended a lecture by Jim Wallis, author of God's Politics and The Great Awakening. And at this lecture, which rock faces, as Nick would say, Wallis said something interesting that really struck me. He said, "Don't go Left. Don't go Right. Go deeper. We don't need a soulless Centralist...We can find common ground, by going to higher ground."

He emphasized the unity of faith, and not just 'Christian' faith, but Jewish, Islamic, and those who share the goal of the common good. Working together, he posited, we could change the world for good, not just caring but unborn children, but poor children, vulnerable people, who need justice, and not just gay-marriage, but the restoration of the family unit, and the environment and the larger agenda. It was a critique of the 'Religious Right', and how their binary agenda has polarized, instead of united, people of faith. But he offered hope, as the dialogue has expanded beyond those single voices to include the 'Religious Left', and the independents, and how in this conversation true change and true social justice and true revival can happen.

And here I am. It's Thursday morning at 10:30, and I am going to English soon. I am listening to the Postal Service (nothing better), and pondering the issue of intimacy, both in life and in worship, but that's for another time. For now, I leave with this:

Snails see the benefits.
The beauty in every inch.

Philosophy and Sympathy

2008-02-14T06:21:00.001+01:00

So. I have spent many, many hours doing History of Philosophy this week, and attempting to write my English paper. And I still have both left to do. I still have to cut 499 words from my outline, and write three more pages about how Vergil defines a Roman hero and a good leader within the first two or three books of The Aeneid. But other than that, I'm good.

It's Thursday morning. Soon. Very soon. And I didn't get to go to the store, which stinks, because I had a great idea. You have no idea. It would have been amazing, trust me. And if you don't want Philosophy and sympathy, how about some tea and sympathy? Chai? Anytime.

And with that note, a remembrance to what this auspicious day is about; a poem by John Keats:

You Say You Love

I.

You say you love; but with a voice
Chaster than a nun's, who singeth
The soft Vespers to herself
While the chime-bell ringeth -
O love me truly!

II.

You say you love; but with a smile
Cold as sunrise in September,
As you were Saint Cupid's nun,
And kept his weeks of Ember.
O love me truly!

III.

You say you love - but then your lips
Coral tinted teach no blisses.
More than coral in the sea -
They never pout for kisses -
O love me truly!

IV.

You say you love; but then your hand
No soft squeeze for squeeze returneth,
It is like a statue's dead -
While mine to passion burneth -
O love me truly!

V.

O breathe a word or two of fire!
Smile, as if those words should burn be,
Squeeze as lovers should - O kiss
And in thy heart inurn me!
O love me truly!

Yep. That about sums up this day. Perhaps, there are social conventions masking it, for propriety's sake, but in the end, in the end, you know. Ah, the sun is rising. I must be off.

2008-02-10T23:34:00.001+01:00

Jeremy sucks at life, and communication, and doesn't know when to shut up.

Two TS Eliot Poems

2008-02-10T02:09:00.000+01:00

The Rock

The Eagle soars in the summit of Heaven,
The Hunter with his dogs pursues his circuit.

O perpetual revolution of configured stars,

O perpetual recurrence of determined seasons,

O world of spring and autumn, birth and dying

The endless cycle of idea and action,
Endless invention, endless experiment,
Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness;
Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;
Knowledge of words, and ignorance of the Word.
All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance,
All our ignorance brings us nearer to death,
But nearness to death no nearer to God.
Where is the Life we have lost in living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
The cycles of Heaven in twenty centuries
Bring us farther from God and nearer to the Dust.

The Hollow Men

Mistah Kurtz -- he dead.
    
A penny for the Old Guy
        
               
I
            
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

            
II
            

Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer --

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

            
III
            

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

            
IV
            

The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

            
V
            

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow


Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow

For Thine is the Kingdom


For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

One Line #1

2008-02-09T06:33:00.000+01:00

“When you stand at the Pearly Gates, would you rather be told you were too forgiving or you were too judgmental?”

~Leonard Sweet

Time Management

2008-02-08T20:40:00.000+01:00

I skipped class. Logic class. And now, after reading 30 pages of Berkeley, filling out a CLC application, I am typing up a post about my relaxing time sitting in the third floor of Blanchard. It is a nice lobby area, complete with the requisite chairs and what not, and of course, the campus wide wireless internet, which has saved my life more than once.

I am about to go into History of Philosophy. An overall great class, albeit extremely difficult and like a good Thanksgiving turkey, stuffed to overflowing with, not dressing, but information.

And I was gladly interrupted by Bethany Wilson, a sophomore on Two West, my sister floor, and we had a conversation in ASL. I need to practice more. And this is a good thing, because Noah is taking Greek 201 with me in the summer, so I just might be the only one on campus that can sign with him, unless Nelson sticks around for research. Anyways, now I off to History of Philosophy study group. Kant! Here I come.

Same River Twice?

2008-02-07T17:26:00.000+01:00

There was an ancient Greek philosopher, named Heraclitus, who stated, "No one steps into the same river twice." Referring to the state of flux in the universe, Heraclitus purported that everything was always changing and nothing was ever in stasis.

Life is like that, no? Everything is in a state of flux. One day you do this and that, and the next day, or even the next hour, the next second, this and that have already affected you, so that you can never be the same. Every word you hear or see or write changes who you are. In Newtonian physics, the principle is, "For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction."

My question, then, comes down to this. If I am always changing, where is my identity? Is it in the continuity of the change, is the ultimate end of the changes, or is there really no identity. Written on my mirror is this question, one worth answering, everyday, every time I see it - "In the end, what are we?"

Are we divine sparks, imbued with purpose? Are we clogs of dirt and microbes that grew and grew, mechanistically? Are we ideas in the mind of God? Are we God? Do we even exist? What are the consequences if we don't? What are the consequences if we do?

Everything is in a state of flux. And we do not step in the same river twice. What is the quintessence - the uniting factor of all this we see, we perceive? Is that fluxing?

In short, I do not know. I believe in something, and I have my doubts about those beliefs, but still I continue to align myself to the reality I perceive, discovering more and more of it. My beliefs, thoughts, dreams, hopes, passions and even my identity (if it exists outside those) are in flux. If in the end, we are just fluxing things, not imbued with purpose or dignity or anything metaphysical, I cannot think of any consequences. What would life be? I have no idea.

We are in flux. In this world of becoming, do we have an end? Is there even choice? But that is another question entirely. Oh, what tangle webs we weave, when we delve into philosophy. Ha! I rhymed, and I am done. Enough stasis here. Life calls. The next you see me, I will be different. The next time you see you, you will be different. Take a minute to stop and look at that reflection. Is that you? You may see the face looking back at you, as you look at a stranger.

For the Curious

2008-01-24T01:36:00.000+01:00

Hmm...As I wrote that title, it occurred to me that the Latin word for "why" is "cur." I don't know if curious is a derivative, but that is still awesome. So, to answer the question some people have been asking, why should I drop the Ancient Languages major, and instead walk down the path of English, notably, English Writing? The question is a serious one. In fact, I could easily pursue the Ancient Languages major without more-than-average difficulty (seeing how I opened with the questioning of a derivative). So the question does not concern difficulty or anything of that nature, but instead, it is one more of benefit and enjoyment and compatibility.

I love Ancient Languages, most notably, Latin. I am a Latinus, not a Helenus. Meaning, I enjoy Latin more than Greek, but this love complicates things here at Wheaton, seeing how Greek and Hebrew (which I have not taken) are the major courses in the Ancient Languages discipline, while Latin is a distant third. Besides, as I have moved further away from 6-203 and Roberts' cave, my love of Languages has not diminished, as much as my love of Philosophy and the written word has increased.

With consideration on the future, what I want and what God wants to do with my life, and my passions, the Ancient Languages major seems to be more and more a fading thing. I guess I should expound on why I originally wanted to be an Ancient Languages major. Well, the reason is simple. I wanted to be a Bible translator, because of my love for missions. I still love missions, as I read Scripture more, and am challenged by it, I don't negative my purpose or goal in this life - to be missional. Now, what does that look like? Quite simply, it is living a life that in all words, but more importantly, in actions follows Christ. To be missional is to be a demonstration of Christ in the world, transforming the world through the relational invitation to come and join this little rebellion against the status quo of humanity, known as Christianity, more explicitly, being a disciple of Christ.

So where does an English Writing major, and for that matter a Philosophy major, come in? They come in to play like such - the world, especially the Church world, is in a shift. The secular words has generally already made the shift to postmodernity. But where is the Church? Lagging behind - not that we should follow the world, but we need to know how to communicate with it! At the beginning of epochs, such as this is, a few scholars direct the course of human thoughts and human undertaking through their works - notably, Plato, Aristotle, Descartes, Bacon, and in the Church - Paul, Augustine, Aquinas, Luther, Calvin, Edwards, Chesterton and Lewis. Who will that be for this generation, this epoch? I think I have the responsibility to at least attempt to mark, through His grace, this world for good in a similar way. This is the reason I am pursuing the degree in Philosophy - to learn to sift through the ideas and the consequences. Why writing? The most affective ideas have come from the most effective communicators. I know I am not the best speaker, but I love to write and can hone that talent. My whetstone would be an English Writing major.

I hope that begins to answer the question. I am in the process of answering it as well, but as I have epiphanies or anything that resembles one, I will let you know.

Back at Wheaton

2008-01-21T23:52:00.000+01:00

I have been back at Wheaton for a little over a week, and I think it is time for an update. Having need to state a few things, I have taken up once again the title of blogger. The list shall soon commence.

This semester will most definitely be insane. Not only do I have PHIL 312, History of Philosophy, deemed the hardest class at Wheaton, by many a student and professor, I will be reading over 2000 pages in my other classes alone! That's what I get when I take an English class.

Speaking of English, I am contemplating the idea of dropping my Ancient Languages major (switching to a minor, which would then be done by either summer or the end of next fall), and picking up, you guessed it, an English minor or major, specifically with a writing concentration.

Once again, speaking of writing (I love transitions and overusing them), I am making serious progress into my science-fiction novel. I am already on page six. Because of all the work that I have this semester, I have taken up writing as therapy. Every night before I go to bed, I sit down and I just start typing out my story. Hopefully, my progress continues to be stress-relieving, instead of the cause of it.

I am back. And I have hit the ground running.

No Title for This One

2008-01-03T06:15:00.000+01:00

I am a timid person. My parents would disagree, most of my friends would, and I myself would, on occasion. But I realized something this semester, and very acutely tonight - I am timid. When I leave my element, which, granted, encompasses a lot, I freeze, I stop, I turtle. People that I have known for years, I can't speak to. I don't know exactly why.

When I get out of comfort zone, my little circle of security, I instantaneously shut down and protect myself. On top of my normal security around my heart, I add a double layer of fear and distrust. I have tried to break through it, but somehow, I cannot do it on my own. It's like a drowning man trying to save himself. HE JUST CAN'T. Sorry. He can try to stay afloat as long as he can, but sooner or later, he will sink. For me, it is more often sooner. Not that I blame anyone for not saving me. In fact, I blame myself, which adds another layer of protection, a layer of self-deprecation. If I already think poorly of myself, no one else can think more poorly of me than I do myself. Thus, I cannot be hurt. Nor can I heal.

And then I came back and try to intellectualize it and analyze it and come up with solutions, while writing to the proverbial you. But in the end, it is not something that can be; sadly enough. But I guess that's just life. And this intellectualizing is just another defense. Oh, this is logical. Oh, this is why I do that. Oh, this is the answer. I don't want answers, anymore. I just to be able to connect with people, and not having to worry about judgment, or rejection, or not being good enough, or anything of the like. I wish I could sleep for a year. Just let it all go away. It will all be better in a year, right? Two? A decade? A lifetime?

And I can't ever say this out loud either, but that's not how I communicate effectively. Just give me my safe pen and paper, or blog, or whatever. This is safe. But I don't want safe, anymore! I am begging, pleading for community. Someone open me up. Take out my bruised, barely beating heart, and please, teach it to thrive again. I am waiting, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. And so much is expected of me. Will I fail them all?

Pie And Heresy

2007-12-30T21:36:00.000+01:00

This has been a most interesting break. After an uneventful flight, I landed myself into the fullness of events. It has been nonstop, but nonstop in that way that is relaxing. I know, it's odd, but it's true. Most true things are odd.

Juxtaposed to (or is the idiom, with?) the familiar sights, sounds, people, I have explored new thoughts and ideas. I read G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy, and he said something very interesting in it, which goes like such:

People have fallen into a foolish habit of speaking of orthodoxy as something heavy, humdrum, and safe. There never was anything so perilous or so exciting as orthodoxy. It was sanity: and to be sane is more dramatic than to be mad . . . The orthodox Church never took the tame course or accepted the conventions; the orthodox Church was never respectable . . . It is easy to be a madman: it is easy to be a heretic. It is always easy to let the age have its head; the difficult thing is to keep one's own.

And again, he wrote:

I did try to found a heresy of my own; and when I had put the last touches to it, I discovered that it was orthodoxy.

I feel like this. Because I continue to dialogue, read, pray, think, and work through my 'heresies' as I have affectionately daubed them (to my own flippancy, which Chesterson also remarks on quite a bit), I am discovering that these thoughts are not new, and are not unorthodox. I have traditions of the Church, acts of Christ, theological debates, and just common sense backing me up. And that is encouraging.

This break from school has been good. I am returning a little different. I guess we all are. But for the better, I will assume. I will hope. This dialogue will continue, this journey, this flame quivering on the candle of life, burning ever nearer to the wick. It's late. I wax poetic. I apologize. Good night, friends, and good luck.

Not merely to exist...

2007-12-14T05:46:00.000+01:00

Life is lived in the tension.

After one semester of college, that is what I have discovered. I know. What a huge philosophical insight...Not really. Anyways, this is what I mean, and I will tell you it, because I think it is important enough for me to write as it is for you to read, and perhaps, through reading, discover something new about yourself, about life. If my life could be a message, I would want it to be a message of self-reflection and self-discovery.

Life is lived in the tension.

After one semester of college, that is what I have learned with certainty. Aristotle also articulated a similar approach to morals as I am approaching to life in general. Aristotle argues that true morality lies between two extremes. For example, between cowardice and rashness there is the correct amount of courage. To take that precept of moderation and the tension arising between differing points of view, life can be understood similarly. Like a pendulum, thoughts and ideas and practices swing back and forth, violently at times, but are at rest in balance. I am not saying that we should balance good and evil, but having a proper understanding of good and evil.

Life is lived in the tension.

As I think more and more about the Bible and this moderate implication for Christians, I think I am discovering more and more of what Christ wanted. He said, "Love one another," and, "Do unto one another as you would have done unto you." And between the Pharisees and the hedonists, there is a crossing of ways. The perfect pattern. And we live searching for that mold, that essence, that life well lived, well examined, well done.

Life is lived in the tension.

We are swinging, sometimes too far one way, other times too far the other, waiting and hoping and trying to get back to the dynamic equilibrium of rest. We live in the tension, the paradox. And I would have it no other way.

2007-12-11T06:22:00.001+01:00

So, I had some awesome conversations today that I would like to share.

The first one was about John 20:15, which says - "Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

I think John had a stroke of genius when he wrote. The connection between Jesus and Adam is made complete. Adam, as the first gardener, tended the earth, and now the connection is drawn to the resurrected Jesus. As a perfect man, as a risen Lord, he is mistaken to be the gardener, which he is in another way, and I think that it also challenges us today - to care for the earth. What was man supposed to do in the beginning anyways? What was Jesus compared to? A gardener. Continuing in this pattern of thinking, I also think that people too often look to Jesus as just a sacrifice for sins, which he was, of course, but he was also the supreme example of how we should live. Many say - including Nietzsche and Gandhi - that they loved and respect Christ, but not Christians. We have fallen short of our example. I believe that must continue to move beyond "good and evil" and start loving and redeeming the world.

Besides that conversation, I also had an amazing class and an intended conversation with Nick and Ben afterwards about it. Those guys rock. Anyways, this has been a good day. Once again, college has challenged me to think again about what I believe and why I believe it. I wonder if I am going to go home and have my parents think I am a heretic...

Hopefully not. Ah, life. Where are you taking me? Where I am going with you?

...insomnia...

2007-12-09T12:01:00.000+01:00

it is five am and i am still awake. we played lord of the rings risk, and now i am typing out a blog entry, because when i came back to my room, my roommate still was not here. he is probably in the room down the hall. so, with the lights and music on, i am just letting my thoughts flow. sometimes it is good to be alone. other times...not so good. it is the middle of the night. and i am alone in this cell of a room. the middle of the night.

....i think i just might be walking in my sleep...i know i am searching for something. something. something. something. (i go walking.)

do you know what it is?

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday...

2007-12-08T08:10:00.000+01:00

Do you ever wonder if there is a place that we are supposed to be at a certain moment for a certain reason? If there is, what is our purpose for being where we are now? And what happens if we miss it?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to live with intentionality. We only ever get each moment once. What are I going to do with that moment?

Certain people come into and out of our lives for certain reasons. We may not know for years what those reasons are, but while they are here, we must make the most of it. Cherish those people, love them, remember them. Memory is the most fickle goddess, but the greatest friend to have when you are alone, perhaps. Either pain or pleasure can be derived from memory, but memory in itself, in existing, is a good - it teaches, instructs, reveals, and redeems hardships. Even one day it will be good to look back on these things. Vergil.

But remember to stop, breath in the snowy air, walk with friends, laugh, because there is too much sorrow in the world, and if we never took the time to do these things, we would never have the best of memory. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am thankful. Truly.

...backspace.

2007-12-05T22:19:00.001+01:00

I wrote an entry. Posted it. And then deleted it.

Don't you wish life was like that sometimes?

I need to work on transitions.

2007-12-03T02:21:00.000+01:00

What is done is done. Or so I thought. I constantly think that this life cannot get more confusing, but then constantly it does. But that's okay. I think.

I think I am beginning to accept the insanity of life. Do I have any more answers on account of this acceptance? Nope, and once again, I can accept that. The answers will come. I will just live day by day. What else can I do? I do not know the future. I do not know the past either, by the way. I thought something was one way, when it was obviously not, and I can see that now, after someone has defogged my rearview mirror. Do I have any answers? No. Not even to the past. All I have is the present. Sure, I can reflect on the past, plan for the future, and things of that nature, but none of that is guaranteed. Today is all that is. So what then must I do? In this state of life, in this state of perfect freedom, I am not to give into licentiousness, but to rise above that, as both Nietzsche and Jesus have said, "To move beyond good and evil." You must be saying, "What? Jeremy? Have you gone crazy? Jesus never said that, and Nietzsche is not the most sympathetic to Christian beliefs."

I have not gone crazy, but I am beginning to see both Christ and Nietzsche in new lights. Christ came not to enslave us to laws or to any religious systematic litany. The call of Christ was a call to a higher form of life, beyond the gnats and the camels, to mercy, justice, and love. That was His call. To live a life beyond what the religious authority deemed "good" and "evil." And Nietzsche too argues for it, and although sometimes is interrupted as arguing that is all about power – upon closer readings it is more of a movement to be more humane and more “moral” but not with an imposed morality, but a true human goodness that is beyond the socially constructed systems. The two, though, cannot be reconciled, since Christ claims that this can only be done by living like and for Him, while Nietzsche has killed God and maintains that in order to atone for that “evil,” man must become like this, and become gods themselves.

All that to say: how I live today is all that I have control over. Sure, I will prepare for the future, remember the past, but in the end, all I can do is for today, love people, love God, and strive to know both humanity and God better, by discovering God, I discover humanity, and by discovering those, I discover myself and where I am going. Perhaps life is not really about the destination – heaven or hell, but about the life that is lived. As cliché that it is – it is about the journey. I must, as Paul says, “Live a life worthy of the calling you have received,” which is as simple and profound as this – “Follow me.” The very first words of Jesus to his disciples are the same to his disciples today. Perhaps Republican candidate Mike Huckabee was right when he said that instead of arguing over the finer points of the Bible, we should focus on the explicit claims and get those down first – such as loving your neighbor and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.

That’s all I can think of doing. And perhaps on this difficult journey with difficult commands, I will discover where I am going, whom I am going with, what we will do, and why we will do it. No man lives in isolation. Community is all around us. It only needs to be discovered.

more lyrics.

2007-11-22T07:35:00.000+01:00

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in the van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
you had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

Sufjan Stevens Lyrics

2007-11-21T08:21:00.001+01:00

I can see a lot of life in you.
I can see a lot of bright in you.
And I think the dress looks nice on you.
I can see a lot of life in you.

I can see a bed and make it too.
I can see a fireside turn blue.
And I can see the lot of life in you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.

When the world looks back,
when the face looks after that,
I can see a lot of life in you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.

I can see a lot of life in you.
I can see your bed and make it too.
And I think the dress looks nice on you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.
I can see a lot of life in you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.

2007-11-21T07:01:00.000+01:00

So I am pretty much a total idiot. Yep.

A poem.

2007-11-19T08:48:00.000+01:00

what hues of gray my life has been!
like a winter eve, with frost and shadow.
what final equality, this zero-sum game;
gain and loss, sorrow and joy, war and peace -
all averages out in smooth relief.

what have i found along this path,
of leaves fresh and ever dead?
to laugh and to love, to cry and to hate -
tis all but apathy, and apathetically i wait.

and this like all paths must come to close.
and then finally shall i see,
what have i in heaven store -
what waits behind Forever's closed door.

Every new beginning comes from...

2007-11-18T07:39:00.000+01:00

...some other beginning's end.

At some point in your life, you realize that some pattern, some thread in it, needs to exhumed. Torn out. Destroyed. But there is a moment, an epoch, when you have recognized that a thread of such exists, but you don't know which one, or what to do about it. I am in such a moment.

I have had the oddest memories about such moments. And they come in the form of hallways. One of my earliest childhood memories is of a long, dark hallway in a rental home that we had to have because our house burnt down. It was a cold hallway. I just remember gazing down it, not being able to move or think. I also had a dream when I was in middle school. It was an odd dream that I did not remember till recently. In this dream, I was running down this hallway, toward a door at the end of the hall, but I never could reach it. Never. I always woke up, or tripped, or something stopped me, or I just couldn't move forward. That hallway actually reminds me of the hallways in my dormitory. I know weird. When I first came here, I felt like I had been here before. I guess I had.

But enough about hallways and primal fear. We all must fear what life is going to be. There is nothing in the world more fluid and unpredictable then the future. Okay, I lied. The human heart. And I think that is what I fear. I thought and thought that I knew what I was going to do - even though I swore never to try to predict the future. Add that to the tally of my sins. Lying and pride. Two down in this paragraph alone. But now, as college does tend to do, my thoughts about the future are being dismantled. I could be melodramatic. I could be crazy. I could be absolutely, irrevocably right. And I just don't know. Skepticism. Life.

(Peske says: Toast. Is tasty with jam.) I totally agree. Strawberry.

Anyways, continuing now from that, I must ask - what is my purpose? How do I handle my freedom? Is it true what Dostoevsky said, that humanity, once obtaining their freedom, will offer it up to the next god they run into? I want to relish my freedom - for I have been created to be free, and freely choose. And I guess what is freely chosen cannot constrain - since it is not forced. But that being said, if and when I choose, if it is a free choice, there is no one to blame but myself, and I think that is the most terrifying thing, both to me and to humanity. We might choose to eat the apple, but we fear the responsibility, so we hide in the closest bushes we can find.

And look at that. I am confirming my doubt. About what I should do. By using one of the options. Of the many options. Of the many doubts. Of the many moments. Of the many threads. Life is too complicated for anyone ever to figure out completely. Maybe Heisenberg's uncertainty principle applies - that when we know what life is, we don't know where it is going, and when we know where it is going, we don't know what it is. And perhaps, it does come back to Hamlet's unanswered question - To be or not to be?...To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, Must give us pause...

I would choose to breathe. Out of fear? Perhaps. But in breathing, they is something to be said of life. It is not the exhale what matters, even corpses will exhale, but the intake - the force of life, which we suck in. We dive into it without hesitation. With such exuberance do we enter this life, screaming for that breathe, and with such fear does the huddled masses attempt to hold on, to take one last sharp pain, before the curtain closes, and the director declares the exuant. Let us then depart my friends. For what is there to fear in the place we all must go? To cross the river, into death, into the last, grand future for all of us - what is there? For every heart must fail, and every breath stop short. But we must remember - inhale now what is best; the best which lasts behind the rain-curtain. If one believes in chance, one would do this, and if one believed in God, one would do this, and if one believed, in the anything and the nothing, one would do this, for what can one do but to breathe.

I must apologize for the randomness of this entry. It is early, and I am distressed. I tend to wax eloquent then, and run into stream of consciousness. These thoughts will weave themselves in and out of the entries to come, but for tonight, I am sorry that you have had to endure reading the kaleidoscope of them all. May we all find what we are looking for.

2007-11-17T06:51:00.001+01:00

What am I suppose to do with my life? I thought I knew. I don't know if I was wrong. But I don't know if I was right.

Quick update.

2007-11-15T21:32:00.000+01:00

A quick little update. I have officially declared my double major - Ancient Languages and Philosophy. And I have adjusted my schedule a tad bit - adding PHIL 244 - Symbolic Logic. Why? Well, now I have 18 hours (which shall be interesting with History of Philosophy), but now I can try to go for the departmental honor thesis. So, I am taking eight hours of Philosophy next semester, and I am going to be attempting to do the honor thesis, which is done by my last semester, and it has to be original and everything...it's an undergraduate thesis...so awesome! Anyways, just letting you know. Keep it real.

Nota Bene.

2007-11-11T08:37:00.000+01:00

Coming to you from the depths of B-Quad.

Let me tell you something. In college, it is not the busywork that gets you...there is no busywork. It is the reading. I have read more for school in the past few weeks than ever before in my life. And I am loving it. No joke.

But in other news...I was going to say, non-school related, but hey, I live here...

I have been doing a lot of yearbooking...seven hours today alone...and still have more to do. But I have also been in meetings about it, and it looks like the plan will go forward...yes...and my master plan may still yet be possible (this is supposed to sound sinister).

I have also been doing a lot of chilling. Not as much as I want...but yeah, it happens. I do have a lot to do this week...and tomorrow! Let's see...five more hours of yearbook, write a Philosophy essay (a short response really, but you know me...), write a two-page paper for "Third World Issues," which I am now going to call, "Issues of the Global South." Oh, and I still have lots of reading to do for that. But in this coming week, I have to prepare a talk for Bro-Sis Worship, write a seven page paper, more yearbook stuff, and keep up with everything...(I cannot wait for Thanksgiving break)

But such is the life. I have signed up for my classes next semester, and they are the following:

ENG 215 - Classical and Early British Literature
GREK 102 - Elementary Greek II
PHIL 312 - History of Philosophy
PHIL 243 - Introduction to Logic
COMM 101 - Public Speaking

I wanted to take Linguistics, but it filled up. Bummer, right? Next year then! But I have a serious question. Should I take summer school? I could take Greek 201, and then next fall, start doing some serious translation work. And then, there is the Black Hills trip to consider...I think I will be doing it, in order to get the rest of my science credits, but I think I might attempt to be the RA in the Black Hills, if I can, because then it would be next to free (no room or board, and finical aid for me!). But that would require me to be there for the entire eight weeks. Something I must seriously consider. But IF I do that, I would be earning 12 credits this summer. So, with those, plus the 18 from this semester, the 16 from next, I would returning in my second year as a second semester junior by credit. Ah! The choices! That would really help with registration for classes, too...anyways, what are your thoughts/suggestions?

Anyway, I need to do some reading. So, gals and guys, take it easy, and remember to brush your teeth.

First Free Thursday

2007-10-25T22:41:00.000+02:00

This is the first Thursday of B-Quad, and I have had no classes. So what have I done today? I intended to wake up at nine, but instead slept in till 11:15. And then I went to lunch. And after that I did homework and listened to Ravi Zacharias, and now, I am going to go work out! Sweetness. Later days.

Fall Break: A Genesis.

2007-10-20T22:39:00.000+02:00

So Fall Break has began. And it is perfect timing. I am already having a great time. Barbara visited and had to leave early, so that was both good and bad. No Jeremy's Amazing Chicago Tour. JACT, for short. But that's okay. I probably should learn the city a little bit better both I start dragging people along in it.

Anyways, I am looking forward to this blessed weekend. Movie watching. Chilling. Night watch. Sleeping in. No class. Ahhh...relaxation. Check you on the flip side.

Nightwatch.

2007-10-14T10:17:00.000+02:00

It is 3:24AM. And I am still up, having fun on nightwatch. Peske, Jessie, and Rachel are here too. We are the ultimate quadrilateral. Yes. We are a shape; and no, I am not completely incoherent.
I have my faculties of speak, writing, reason, and digression.

Anyways, to speak more fully about our weapons: they are as such - the hammer of justice and the sword of order; both of which prevent eye babies.

Next the agenda of this last night ramble. I am hungry. I hunger, if you will.

Jumping to my next random topic. Today was roulette, which was fun. I got to hang out with some pretty cool people, if I say so myself. I enjoyed our pumpkin carving and geese chasing and creative playgrounding (yes, it is a verb now). You should have been there.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Hunger and nightwatch. I might go down to the vending machines to get some food soon. And it is very odd to see people coming back into Fischer at 3:30 in the morning. What were they doing out? Did they go to Chicago? Lucky ducks...probably took the two o'clock train back. I'll ask.

Yes, they did. Awesome. Drunk people on the train. As always. This is very stream of consciousness. I just lost the game. Eat it. Haha. Now you have lost too. Believe it. It's true. What are you going to do about it?

Another group of people! Very odd and scary. But then again, I am still up and not in bed either. So I guess it is okay. Anyways, I am off to watch some net_work. Check it out on black20.com. Amazingly funny.

Nightwatch.

2007-10-14T07:36:00.001+02:00

I am watching the night, until five AM. It's going to be fun. Updates as the hours go by. Stay tuned.

We have weapons.

A lobby. Friends. Homework. Yearbooks.

2007-10-12T23:42:00.000+02:00

So, that me start this off by saying that this has been a crazy week. I have been averaging about five hours of sleep a night. And working out. And eating maybe a little less than normally. But anyways, I am still eating so don't worry, it's not like last fall. Anyways, I do know if I have said this, but I am probably now consider a Fischer Lobby rat. I hang out there pretty much all the time. Concordantly, it is the best place to hang, not only because I am there, but actually because everyone comes through, and you can meet some awesome people. For instance, Peske, Tyler, Erin, Carol, Swims, Isaiah, and the like. It is a great place to be.

Now for the anecdotal part of this treatise. So, Peske had desk attendant, meaning that he had to sit out in the lobby from 7 to 11, and I decided to hang out with him and read some Locke and do some other homework. Now, around 10, my good friend, Carol (see above) came out, while I was working on the yearbook ladder. And come to find out she was the editor of her book last year, just like me! So we had a few rants and talked about why I was doing it again, and I tried (and am continuing to try to convince her...Carol if you are reading this, you should help me do the yearbook!) to convince her, as was made evident by my parenthetical notation. Anyways, so we talked shop and look at old books for almost two hours, and it was definitely nice to find someone with similar interests as me. It was good.

Thus ends my story, and my blog with this. Fischer Lobby. Check out it. It is, as some would say, legit. And clutch. Oh the Midwest!

Lyrics. Just that.

2007-10-04T19:33:00.000+02:00

Softly we tremble tonight,
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight,
I said I'd never leave; you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.

Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
When all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me….

We made plans to grow old,
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse,
Are we the same people as before this came to light?

Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me…

You must live for me too...
For me too...yeah, yeah…
You said that you would die for me…

Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me...

Best medicine: late nights and laughter.

2007-10-02T19:26:00.000+02:00

Well, let me check you up on the awesome happenings here at Wheaton. Saturday night/Sunday morning in the lobby of Fischer equals sweet goodness. Joining Peske, the night-watch guy, a group of us played a really random card game, and the freshmen almost triumphed over the sophomores, if only it was not four against two. Looking back on it, Erin and I should have traded, in order for me to become her elf and she could have become my gnome, and then we would have been fine. But whatever, Katrina wiped us both out. It happens. Anyways, continuing on to Sunday night/Monday morning...

It rained. And it was sweet. After chatting in the lobby with cool again, a triplet of awesomeness decided to run into the rain and dance around the school at one o'clock in the morning. Yea! for grammar school lawns. Unfortunately, my toes went numb. The price of war against boredom.

And then last night was awesome again. My sweater was patched by Erin, and a cadre of us got to sit down and talk for about three hours, although it seemed like no time at all. Discussing everything from reanimated-zombie flesh to modern ministries to the homeless, t'was a good evening. And I stayed up to two again, but don't tell my mom she would flip, and requested that I make wiser choices concerning my health and sleep patterns. And then she would add something in about babies.

But after all this, I do have to apologize for being disconnected. I have not have time to make the phone calls, write the letters, or send the smoke-signals that I wanted to do. The worlds are shifting, and not that that's a bad thing, but like tectonic plates, there are going to be fissures and mountains, and hot molten lava. Or maybe not. Anyways, I do hope that everyone's lives are going well. I am around, sometimes. Who knows? After this crazy week, I will probably be more available. Once my job routine settles in, and Yearbook production starts, and A-Quad ends. Ah. We are so close, yet so far.

To end. Be strong. Be well. And don't let the zombies get you. But if you are starving you can use hem as an alternative source of food, id you isolate the virus and eradicate it before consumption.

Yours, in the fight,

Z-Master 2000

The Theory of the Forms...Sci-Fi Style.

2007-09-23T15:42:00.001+02:00

Irrevocably moving into a new existence, I have established myself here in the Chicagoland area. And let me tell you: I am loving it. The people. The places. The weather. Great. I still miss all my friends back home, but I will continue to make new ones (not as replacements, mind you, but as an addition). The life, it is good.

In the news that you all are wondering about: my title for this particular update in my blog. Yes. I did it, and I don't care what you think. I wrote an argument on Plato's Theory of the Forms, using a Science Fiction backdrop as the setting for said argument. And it was amazing. I already have written another eight pages for my book...progress...yes, I'm making progress (that one is for all the Titan A.E. fans out there)...

Anyways, I am off to that land of dreams, because it is good night time. Yes. I am a college student.

The party has been cancelled due to fire...

2007-09-16T16:00:00.000+02:00

Another day in downtown, another few adventures.

Let's just say, I love this town.

Cat Stevens...Streets of London.

2007-09-14T08:48:00.000+02:00

have you seen the old man in the closed down market
kicking up the papers with his worn out shoes
in his eyes you see no pride
hand held loosely by his side
yesterday's paper telling yesterday's news

so how can you tell me you're lonely
and say for you that the sun doesn't shine
oh let me take you by the hand
and lead you through the streets of london
i'll show you something to make you change your mind

have you seen the old girl who walks the streets of london
dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags
she's no time for talking
she keeps right on walking
carrying her home in two carrier bags

so how can you tell me you're lonely
and say for you that the sun doesn't shine
oh let me take you by the hand
and lead you through the streets of london
i'll show you something to make you change your mind

in the allnight café at a quarter past 11
same old man sitting there on his own
looking at the world over the rim of his teacup
each tea lasts an hour then he wanders home alone

so how can you tell me you're lonely
and say for you that the sun doesn't shine
oh let me take you by the hand
and lead you through the streets of london
i'll show you something to make you change your mind

have you seen the old man outside the seaman's mission
memory fading with the medal ribbons that he wears
in our winter city
the rain cries little pity
for a long forgotten hero in a world that doesn't care

oh how can you tell me you're lonely
and say for you that the sun doesn't shine
oh let me take you by the hand
and lead you through the streets of london
i'll show you something to make you change your mind

An update? What's that?

2007-09-13T22:12:00.000+02:00

So. College. It's here. It's big. It's bad.

Well, not really bad in the "sucks totally," more like in the sense of "totally rocks." I mean, I don't even know where to begin since this is just so...overwhelming?

I like the word overwhelming, but it connotes odd things, so perhaps, college life is very full and you might even say, non-stop. So in the spirit of brevity, here is an awesome list of some awesome things:

Chicago.
2East.
Learning Greek.
Learning ASL.
Classes.
Trains.
Geneva.
Macs dying.
Macs being fixed.
Good food.
Roommates.
Floormates.
Chipotle.
aboveground.
Deaf Church.
Deaf Culture.
The Stupe.
Smoothies.
Dino.
Jousting.
Lists.
Organization.
On-campus jobs.
Yearbook Staff.
Philosophy.
Reading.
Writing.
Internet.
Yes.

That is quite a list. I will try to be updating more often with more anecdotes, but we will see...yes...we will see. Anyways for now, check it out. Check you later.

Jeremy

Chicago. And little sleep. And lots of fun.

2007-08-22T07:31:00.000+02:00

Today was the first day I saw my college campus. I start there in two days.

It's pretty freaking awesome. I met my RA, and moved my stuff into the dorm about two days early. So, that's pretty sweet, and then, I got to chill with Jon and Ken all day. Right now, I am actually sitting in a bed, in the Garda's basement typing this. I don't know how I feel about basements yet, but I will say this is probably the coolest place I have seen in a long time. There is a museum of old Macs, and an iMac sitting not ten feet from me.

I think I am going to make it here. Actually, I little more than make it. I will create the network of friends at school, which is necessary, but then, I am going to be involved in a much bigger and diverse network: aboveground. The college ministry that Ken heads up and Jon does music for.

And then of course, there is the city. I didn't see much of it today, but tomorrow, I get to go to a Sox's game, and Ikea, and see the sights. Some of them. It's gonna be pretty sweet. Anyways, I hope that the wide world out there is linking up to this URL, because right here is where it is going to be happening. I'll let you all know just when the rocking starts: and it's now.

I was going to write something inspirational and/or challenging, but then I decided not too. Don't ever waste too much time planning out your life, and then not live it. I have decided to live. Hope to see you on the other side of the wasteland.

The Family Room Tornado

2007-08-17T21:01:00.000+02:00

My room is desolate. But there is good news. The family room is a disaster area; FEMA is being called in. All my stuff, from books to hammocks are strewn about; flung at random, a part of the hodge-podge that is my packing.

Four days. Four more days! And then, Chicago, here I am.

"And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." - The Great Gatsby.

Guess what? It's time to get out of the freaking boat and walk. The past is the done, the present fleeting, and the future unwritten - learn, grow, live, prepare, face.

Step into the sunlight, and see Lemon explode.