life as we know it

have you ever had a word haunt you? if you have seen doctor who, you will understand a little of what i mean. for as the phrase 'bad wolf' haunts the doctor and rose, so the word, and its derivatives, emerge has haunted me for about a year now. it is not just within the context of the 'emergent church,' though that has been one of the main ways i have seen this word, but also in philosophy, in life, in my readings, and in my conversations.

the dictionary defines emerge like this: emerge |iˈmərj|; verb [ intrans. ];
(1) move out of or away from something and come into view
(2) become apparent, important, or prominent
(3) (of facts or circumstances) become known :
(4) recover from or survive a difficult or demanding situation
(5) (of an insect or other invertebrate) break out from an egg, cocoon, or pupal case.

those five definitions have played a role in my life and in my processes of thought for the past year, since around this time a year ago, i was graduating from high school. a lot of life has happened, coupled with this word, as i have emerged into who i am today. let's go into, shall we?

for the first, i have moved out from home, away from the shelter of that place, and into view of a larger world, a bigger picture, a vaster reality. my life is coming into view, and that's kind of scary, but mainly exciting. i have emerged into a world that i didn't know before, and it has only been the last few months that this has really happened, but i am excited to see where it goes, this journey. the world is full of ideas and philosophies and thoughts and stories, and i have been given the great privilege of learning about them, having dialogues and conversations about them, and pursuing some of them.

as to the second definition, some of my character has emerged in front of my eyes. some parts i like, and some parts that need improvement. i am a work in process - and that's fine with me! i will never fully arrive, but will also be emerging into someone, who hopefully resembles more and more the self-sacrificial, loving, accepting, giving, and caring person of jesus the nazarene. but other thoughts have emerged as well, becoming known to me; for example, what exactly is important in christianity, and what is important in following christ. it's not the rules, literally, thank god. nor is it the law, though some might argue and some might continue to live under it. it is grace, love, embrace, forgiveness, redemption (a 'buying back' of harmful traits into creative and restoring ones), living out being a disciple. our theologies are man-made, and god is bigger than they are. god is bigger than calvin, luther, mclaren, heuslein, and all the others. the idea of god and god's ideas for me are emerging together, and in an awkward kind of middle school dance for now, if that makes sense.

what has become known? questions are important. questions are very important. perhaps even more important than answers, because if you don't have questions, how will you ever get answers anyway? someone may even tell you an answer, but if you have not questioned anything concerning it, it is like telling a dog about the mona lisa - it just doesn't care and it cannot really understand. what else has become known? friends are extremely important. vital even - and definitely relate this to the latin word (vita), which means life. because without those close and important relations, there cannot be life. only mere existence.

fourthly! difficult situations have abounded this year. not only the transition, but difficult relationships and demanding classes, but coming through them has formed me into who i am today, or you could say, i have emerge as me from them. and this process, thankfully, is not done, and never will be! life is process of becoming. though we suffer and though we experience heart-ache, loss, pain, regret, fear, and despair, we cannot let these things rule us, but in all things, may hope remind us to see what we are becoming, and what that process is. there is a telos. let's get there together!

and lastly, breaking from the cocoon...this is what it is like. i am beginning to break out into the light, to turn around in the cave and stop staring at the shadows of the answers, but to embrace the questions, instead of the answers. one day, i might have some, but for now, it does not matter, really. this process is just like spring. it will rain and suck sometimes, and the dead stuff of winter is still rotting, but if you look beneath the surface, something is growing, coming, and will one day finally emerge into something new and wonderful. a new creation, with old things passing and new things coming. and like i said earlier, may these things be the characteristics that make life worth living - a life for others, for something beyond myself and this little point in history. may my story merge into the larger one of god and humanity, and may it emerge into something more because of me. i guess that's kind of like a prayer.

so this is a journey. this is a process of discovery. it will have its ups and its downs, but it will always be exciting. this is life. this is jeremy, emerging. another year down. it's totally been worth it too.